Hour 19: Self-portrait

Writing defined my professional life for more than two decades,
Before I chose to make it something I must choose to do.
Leaving the newspaper business behind should have been difficult,
The paper itself made the decision easier by a change in ownership,
Staff buyouts, altered job responsibilities, and a changing situation at home.
My younger daughter entered college, and suddenly I needed to be Mom less,
Angie more. We speak frequently, several times each week, online or on the phone.
My older daughter gets in touch when she needs something or
When something strikes her as absurd and she needs someone to hear it.
My own children have grown past childhood,
But my days are still filled with what feels a lot like parenting
Other people’s children. Before school. After school. During summer vacation.
I’ve volunteered with children of all ages for most of my life; now I am paid
To take care of them. For now, though it feels like a brief stop along my life’s journey
While I take the time to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.
I’m really not a morning person, although if I need to be awake,
I’m not ill-tempered because of it. I’d rather see 5 a.m. approach as I struggle to
Finish the final chapter of a favorite book, an ending I see coming,
Having read the story many times before, but still unable to put it down
Before reaching the beloved finale just one more time.
My husband has been my best friend for most of my life.
I do not deserve his patience, but I try to appreciate it.
We are growing into middle age together. Sometimes gracefully. Sometimes not.
God has a bigger purpose for me, if only God would reveal it. If only I would
Search more diligently for it. My parents instilled faith in me.
Taught me the value found in service to others. Sometimes, I’m sure,
They wish to pull me back closer to their own view of God. But it’s too late.
My eyes are open to the horrors taking place in our world and my
Heart has felt the need to be a part of the healing.
Maybe next week. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe today.

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