You Sold Your Soul, Not Mine

Take the money and run
Around blocks
Running circles
Around greed
Wasting the fuel of
Your life force
Your destiny
Your integrity
Your fate
Wads of cash
You chase like a carrot
To put in holes like
Nails in a coffin
Trying to stir up fear
Another notch in the headboard
Where sleep does not come soundlessly
From your greed.
You believe me to have
A price on my head
And opted to try and sell my soul
Diminish my worth
But I rise like a Phoenix unafraid
From the ashes of who
Burned me…
But you burned yourselves down
With materialistic explosives.
Karma is my friend
And she will visit me
As she will you.
What you don’t realize, though,
Is that it wasn’t my soul
On the block for slave trade
Up for show on a market
A theater in a strategic
Coreographed play upon my soul
But yours…
Accepting the money from blood
Siphon it out through your veins
And watch, hidden on the sidelines
While lining your pockets
With my botched demise.
It wasn’t my soul used
As poker chips
You gambled away your souls with.
The price was never set
Upon my head
It was on your own.
So I ask you,
How much did your soul cost you?
How much compared to mine?
Loyalty in the eyes of green
Whereas I have accumulated
Riches beyond measure
My soul remains intact
Priceless.
You sold your soul for a pittance
What money doesn’t realize
Is that there is no price to mine
Money can burn holes in pockets
And holes within conscious
As you all have burned me
A wounding upon your heart I pray heals.
All I required was atonement for the wrongs
Honesty
But you chose to keep your darkness
Out of shame and repercussion
but Karma will find you
As she will find me
And when she does
She will know you
By the coals from the G’s
You heaped upon your own heads
By your own hands.

Smile For The Camera

The flash dilates
The truth
Narrow eyes down a narrow focus
Down a path of brambles
Thorns tearing flesh
Navigating through generational
Curses-secrets hidden
Behind smiles
Released and captured souls
Like fish hooked upon
The lips curling with their facade
Smile for the camera
And capture those “memories”
Pearly whites don’t
Allow entrance to pearly gates
Or gain wings of flight
The lines in images blurred
Distorted claimed falsehoods
Smiles disappear when
The camera drops
The moment of silence prepared
The image they wanted to keep
Smile for the camera
Adorn yourself in costumes and masks
And keep to yourself
What you don’t want others to know
Share your soul
Bare your heart
In a group of “loved ones”
With tainted arms
Hands holding knives
Around shoulders
To plunge between shoulder blades
“Love” cuts deep
And their arms
Weighed down by the lead weights
of their intentions and hidden agendas
Once their net was cast
Hook, line, they wanted to sink her
Smile for the camera
So they can connsume themselves
In the illusion of
One big happy family
In one flash
It’s gone.
The family dispersed
Like dandelion fluff
Planting themselves
Six feet under
Where in the dark their demons hide
Their seed buried
And from their growth
A still photograph
The image of themselves
They would kill to keep
Where it’s too dark to see
But in time the light will develop.

Whatever Will Be, Will Be

When the dawn breaks, my dreams-they will fall
And down will come reality, cradled in the long haul.
For what I dream
Is too much a far-fetched fantasy.
Only things within my reach can withstand
And reasoning that nothing ever goes as planned-
But they say “Keep moving forward” to an unknown destination
My soul isn’t starving for cheap and hollow placation
But I drive on-
Although trapped in thought, withdrawn
Blurring lines between what is and could never be
Sailing upon the waves of the North Sea
Thread the needles and stitch it up quick
Holding tight to the ideals of that which is chiliastic.
Keep holding on or let it all go
But keep it from repeating this section of allegro-
As the enthusiastic rhythm competes with
A nihilistic future, an intimidating monolith.
So I keep hope tucked away in my back pocket
I put cares away and put my life on the docket
What I can control now is more about myself
To add to the collection of stories on my bookshelf
As this life of mine is a vivid tale of spoken word
And a simple existence that’s not all that absurd
I have struggles with “let the chips fall as they may”
And wait for the unknown that comes each day.
As much as I need to control my world
To map it all out and remain furled.
I always require foreknowledge on what is to transpire
Instead of firing blindly-getting nailed in the crossfire.
So I’ve tried to retrain my mind to take it as I go
Even all the things that previously I didn’t know
And welcome the surprises that aren’t all that worrisome
And add it to the list of things that make what I become
A masterpiece of mosaic modeled by mania and depression
For some it seems I’ve made quite the lasting impression
I take each experience and learn from the curve
Add it to my growing and transcendent life’s oeuvre
Roll with the punches and let it all flow
And hold my open palm to receive the rose of Jericho
I must live in the moment, not internally argue about what can be ascertained
Obsessing only leaves me cold, listless, and constrained.
So I opt to exist in a world where I’m content at best
And welcome all that is simple that leaves me implicitly blessed.
It is time now for me to let go of the reins
Overthinking and caution have wrapped me tight in chains.
Allowing myself to lose control and let what will be, be
And accept that in time what is unknown will never always hurt me.

Series of Low-Brow Limericks

1.
There was once a chick named Jewelz
Who rarely followed the rules
When she opened her mouth
The conversation went south
She made idiots look more like fools

2.
There was once a broad named Karen
Who everyone thought was barren
When she opened her mouth
Stupidity ran out
Some wonder how her spawn was farin’

3.
There once was a dude named Lass
Who wouldn’t get off his dead ass
He wouldn’t go to work
Said his boss was a jerk
He was the poster child of a complete jackass.

4.
There once was a guy named Duck
Who honestly didn’t give a fuck
He did his own thing
And had his own flings
He nods when he’s called a dumb schmuck.

5.
There once was a lady named Lit
Who really didn’t give a shit
She bottled it up
And closed her cheeks shut
And now she has bowels that won’t quit.

This One Won’t Make Sense

The moment when the sun subsides
from cloud to fire and dips behind another
hide-and-go-seek through the outer rims of space
given to those who want it
to feel like it had before
when nothing was innocent
Is fair game, what did I have to lose?
Except my soul tied ‘round with a necklace of rope
Swinging on the gallows, my heart
A cursed thing tortured like those swinging roaring
Twenties, where the speakeasies served
Their purpose for that time
When I used to fancy myself a poet
And I didn’t know it and my feet show it
Like you mean it, don’t just tell it-
Feel it in your marrow
In every ventricle and chamber
Pot is smoked reaching a high
Like a kite floating catching wind of
The truth as it exposed
Like bare breasts tore asunder
A pirate’s plunder
I’m left to wonder-
If I make any sense at all.

Arguing With Myself

Okay, body-listen up
It’s time that you lay off
The pain for a spell
With bones cracking like
A thick branch snapping
Sending sharp stings
I cry out
Silently through clenched teeth
Smile as I lie and say I’m okay
When I’m really truly not
And blink away the tears
When my knee gives out
Landing hard upon them
Too weak and pained to stand
Though I do anyway
Because I’m too young to have
Chronic illness-
To be weak.
My mind argues that I could
Do it all before
But now the body I burned through
Tells me its time to slow down
But brain says
“No, we’ll do it anyway.”
And pay the steep price of
Immobility for days on end.
My head pounds like a steel drum
With every ache further convincing me
That the folds of my brain are
Being cleaned with tiny wire brushes
Scratching away like a cat at the door
Trying to make its escape.
And, what’s more disheartening
Is that pain is a playground in my head
And like a scream but can’t be cut short.
It is forever feeling like an auto accident
The invisible bruising covering my back
As though I had fallen without a parachute
From 1800 feet-
Although I’d much rather the tequila
And drunk dial Jose.
Forty walking with a cane-
Waiting for the day when I can feel
More like a badass with a shillelagh
Wishing I was more like
a ghost in the shell
with interchangeable parts.
Knowing my limits but ignoring them
To pretend to be who I was before
My body started disagreeing with me
And decided to fight me back-
Much like my fight or flight hasn’t shut off
Neither will my pain
For they remain on like Donkey Kong
Though, I believe he’d be more apt
To win this battle-
Better equipped than I
But I try and smile through it
Brush of the electric taser snaps
In every stupid nerve
And if you hear me cursing under my breath
Know that it’s directed at this faulty meat suit
And not at all at you.

Puds

I can’t imagine a life
Without his smile
That bright beam that lights
My way through
The worst days
Shining brighter
My best…
He’s a silly tease with
Innocence abounding
Simple toilet humor
And a penchant for
Causing my senses to revolt.
He’s mama’s boy
With golden hair
Sunflower eyes
Just like his mama-
Shimmering with mischief
Just like his mama-
Silly humor and a cause to give rise
To temper, he quells with
Sarcasm.
He is so my child.
Without a word, he brings me flowers
I fasten to my journal.
He notices my pain
And finds ways to make it better.
He’s thoughtful, albeit a smidge
Manipulative,
Playing upon my weaknesses-
His smile and that slight
Almost undetectable squeak
As I tickle him
Threatening to make him pee.
The honesty and closeness
We have is something that cannot
Be broken
Or marred
As he opened his eyes to truth
And sees with clarity
And knows what is right and good
And what is wrong and uncalled for-
But lacks the courage or conviction
To stand for himself-
But in ways he can’t
So I stand for him
and my protective boy he
stands for me
and life has a learning curve.
I was blessed with this monster
Who’s the spitting image of myself.
We drive each other crazy
But we love each other fiercely.
He is the greatest gift ever given to me-
The crowning joy in my life
the greatest thing I’ve ever done
was bring him into this life.
My son, my boy, my Puds
I have never been more proud
Of anything I have done
More than how proud I am
Of you.

Never Break Eye Contact

*sensual poem, a bit risque, 18+*

I open the vast caverns
of my soul and allow you in
And watch your hooded eyes
Shadowed by the moonlight
Stare intently into mine
I close my eyes, and you’re here
And its real
And I can trace the lines of muscles
In your arm and clutch to your back
Drawing you with an artist’s hand
Further into me.
Fingertips leaving indentations
In your skin
I taste
With the tip of tongue gliding
Down the chords of your neck,
Biting down on your trapezius
And listening to a slight moan
Escape your lips
I, unabashedly thirsty,
Relish the liquid you drench me in
Quenching the blades of desire
Jutting out like hips
Undulation, keeping rhythm to
The slow tempo set upon our hearts.
You glide over me, smoothly
Cautious bated breath soothing
And moans like music
Rousing the most hypnotic
Emotions held within your eyes
As you look into mine
Eyes now hooded-
Rolling like snake-eyes
But remain upon the other-
Waiting intently for that rise.
Diving deeper into my lagoon
I feel you press
Against my insides
And you feel me clenching down
jaw drops with a quiver of lips
drawn out, cocking an arrow
straight into me.
Watching with eyes transfixed
As we lose and find ourselves
Within the thunder of the other.

You Will Love

I can guarantee
Beyond a shadow of a doubt
That you will find love someday

Your soul will cry out
When you meet them
And weep to realize they were

Waiting for you their whole life
And you have been waiting
For them.

And when you find that love
You will hold on and let go
You will find a way to be with them

You will climb mountains
Swim oceans
And move continents for them

You will shakedown
The whole earth
Just to hear them say ‘I love you, too’.

So don’t tell me you’ll remain alone
Because I sure as hell know you won’t
Not really.

You just haven’t yet found
The one who sparks your soul
And leaves you breathless

In the sight or presence of them
You will find yourself weak
And they’ll be there to catch you

When others had let you fall.
Even if it seems impossible-
You will wait or you will fight

to be the one to hold them
from now through the afterlife.

Puppy Love

How envious I am of my dog
Sprawling like a human
Across my couch,
Darting like an arrow
Straight into the house
Nearly knocking me down as
He races past me,
Looking at me innocently with
His tongue lolling
Off to the side.
He groans like an old man
Every time he lays down-
A loud “Hrrumph” and a thud
And off to dreamland he goes.
He insists on sleeping next to me
At the head of my bed,
Absconding with my pile of pillows
I just positioned for myself.
He has no problem just sitting there
As I yank with all my strength
The small corner of blanket
When he decided to nap.
He just looks at me as though
My attempts to dislodge it are
futile and entirely amusing
While he gives me that look with his eyes.
He knows exactly which buttons to press
And talks back worse than
My ten-year-old son
After an all-night Minecraft binge.
The shit likes to run and won’t miss
The opportunity to escape
And prance around the neighborhood
And taunt me while I stand in the street
in my pajamas
no makeup
no shoes
hair a mess
with my hands planted firmly
upon my plushy hips while
Holding an empty leash,
But how I would miss the company
The warm, fuzzy cuddles
The kisses on my chin
The way he’d curl up and find
A place next to me
Even if he had to shrink himself
and bend space and time to fit.
My dearest Poet, you deserve a spot
In this marathon
For the honor of being your best friend
And the greatest most loyal one
That I could have ever had-
You truly are a blessing
and live up to your rightful name.