panic8am

There are moments

where I can’t function

I don’t want to be here

I’m not suicidal-

I just don’t want to

be here anymore

 

I think I could be depressed

What do I know though?

Not a doctor

Lonliness knows my name

knows how much I hurt

 

Not happy-

I just play pretend

What would people think

I they knew- REALLY knew

I just play pretend at being happy

 

Would they care?

Listen?

Change-

Probably not.

 

It’s just a phase-

You’ll be fine

You’re ok

Have you just THOUGHT

about being happy?

 

You think I can just snap

my fingers and be fine?

BELIEVE ME, I’VE TRIED

no dice

 

Maybe drinking would

help me- But I don’t drink

Hurting myself physically

I’m an old hat at doing

But I said I wasn’t going there

anymore

 

It just hurts so badly sometimes

I want someone- anyone to notice

that I’m not ok-

But they don’t notice

I’m on my own

 

Hello? Help me!

I need some help down here

I am on edge and It’s going into

a panic attack.

 

I feel like I am dying

short of breath

achey

crampy

clammy

Oh God help me please

 

Stop

Breathe

Stop

breathe

No

not like that

 

Slow it down

Slow down

slow

Like that.

you’re doing ok

One thought on “panic8am

  1. I’m lucky to have only faced depression for a very short period in my life. You’ve found words to aptly describe that purgatory. I don’t have any idea how to help other than to suggest what you do as your poem suggests, Breathe…keep breathing … one moment at a time… and finding things in life to be grateful for, no matter how small.

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