The Mask

the white, elegant one
which you always had on you
you gave one to me too?

the one you told me
everyone had and was important
if I wanted to be considered human?

yes, that’s the one
‘conformity to the norms’
was it?

2 thoughts on “The Mask

  1. I like this one; the questions ending each stanza is great and bumps up the vibes for me.

    These lines seem too crowded to me.

    “you gave one to me too?” — maybe it’s the to and too, maybe the rhythm? “you gave me one too?” — keeps the rhythm you have on the previous lines and adds another element as if counting.

    “and was important
    if I wanted to be considered human?”
    Maybe another word besides “considered” — a synonym with fewer syllables? or drop it altogether? Maybe put “wanted” in the present tense?
    The same with “important”?

    “‘conformity to the norms’” — maybe change the first word to the verb form (conform) and drop the article “the”?

    Again, these are just suggestions. Don’t change what you don’t want to change.

    1. thank you for taking out the time to read and comment, it really means a lot ^^
      and I do agree with your suggestions, I have always had a bit of a tough time keeping a consistent rhythm so it’s good to see the poem with another perspective.

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