Jesus is my Mousepad

what else to do
what else to say
ecclesiastes said it best
or he said ok
the end of that book
is kind of a cop out
I use a bible as my mousepad
KJV, given to me by Mormons
they were friendly
but I still didn’t give them my phone number
If I knew more about Joseph Smith at the time
I would have given them a better grilling
instead I asked “what questions are you sick of hearing?”
They both replied “asking if we’re from a polygamist family”
fair enough
but still
you get your own planet when you die
if you’re smart enough to die Mormon
in good standing
and male
and you know all the handshakes
what was I talking about?
Right, Jesus is my mousepad
I read from it sometimes
the apostles sound like liars
and what crawled up Paul’s ass and died?
It’s a fantastic mousepad though
good grip, that faux-leather texture
soft edges that don’t dig into my wrist
and there’s one line in particular
that I like
from Jesus, I think this was before he was God?
That’s intentionally bad theology- I’m not that ignorant
I’m not religious but I like reading holy texts
It’s mythology, it’s like comic books
when you read the old testament
it’s no wonder
that all the original creators
of superheroes
your supermen, your batmen,
were Jews
comic books are a Jewish tradition
So yeah, he was always God
but the man was sometimes
more man-like than godlike
All those parties he threw
and the disciples are like “wow where’d he get all these fishes?”
Not like his disciples were fishermen or anything
but right, that one line
(I’m paraphrasing)
“You can curse the Father and be forgiven, you can curse the Son and be forgiven, but you will not be forgiven if you curse the Holy Spirit”
I think about that one a lot.
I tried cursing the holy spirit the other day
because, ya know
I don’t even believe in you, you can’t tell me what to do
so I did
but my heart wasn’t in it
so I probably didn’t actually do it
I’m no theologian
and you didn’t ask
but I think it means something like
you can curse the creator
but not the energy of creation itself
I think I can get behind that
and I hope I never do curse that Spirit
but I might
if I start speaking in tongues.

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