I think maybe I am a fool.

I wanted to say, “I am a fool” with an exclamation point.

But, as I began to declare it, I thought

“I think maybe I am. I think maybe I am a fool.” exclamation point.

I am often fooled, so maybe by definition, I am a fool.

I am fooled by sweet faces and kind words and promises not in writing, and even promises in writing that are unenforceable. I am fooled by those kind of people who fain self deprecation when they show you their ugly insides. I am fooled by the dissonance of their words to their slightnesses and ultimately their true behaviors. I am fooled by kindness turned to raging victim stances. I am fooled by people who say they are one thing to the world and reveal their viciousnesses in private to me over and over and over.. simultaneously.

I am fooled by the vast pendulum swing,

and how desperately people hold onto their side.

I am fooled that I might be welcomed at either end.

 

I am fooled by the mianspiritednesses of people

who will not stop until their way is the only way.

 

I am fooled by my need to believe a person who says they are good, and does not practice being good, but continues to say they are good. I am actually completely baffled by those, so maybe I am a fool… a simple fool who trusts people to be who they say they are with corresponding energies, not the wink wink nudge nudge ones  who laugh a bit under their breath when they promise to annihilate you for calling them into the light, who do annihilate you when their cover is pulled off.

Exclamation point.

 

Elizabeth Fellows

6/27/2020, 1pm.