If I Had Held On

If I had gone with you…
I think our lives would be very different now
Sans stretch marks, C-section scars, and broken bones
But I wanted to make sure you knew
What you wanted

Maybe that was stupid
Maybe I was scared
Maybe you seemed
Just too uncertain
And I didn’t want uncertain

I’m sorry I didn’t try to
Do something more than just say
“Maybe you should know what you want
before we go any further in this.”
I thought I was right

And then I made a mistake
The possibility of you even being my friend
Suddenly was slipping away
And I was sobbing on the phone
Knowing I hurt you

Maybe I did it because
I am forever into self-sabotage
And I loved you more
Than I was willing to admit
I think I was just stupid

We patched things eventually
And then such bigger and crazier things happened
Actions and consequences that
Cut the both of us through our bones
And sooner or later we always came back together

Our lives went in separate directions
Things happened we can’t take back
But there are still nights I wonder
If I had held onto you
Where would we be now?

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