Guide to Keeping an Imaginary Friend by Percival Postlethwaite Esq

Though I may not consume food, not even laying a place for me at the table is just rude,

Birthdays ought to be celebrated, suitable gifts and cards to reflect my interests generated,

wrapped, labelled and presented,

Account ought to be taken of the space I require when queuing in shops, sitting on trains, out for walks or gathering in circles for intimate talks,

One ought to keep a separate list or register of me when in public places, in case of evacuation and fire,

Do not assume I can walk through doors – if one closes on me please do allow a suitable pause

And if it does not open again fairly soon – you ought to be the one to help me get through,

Finally, when serving imaginary sandwiches at noon, do not invite me to that ghastly playroom,

Those teddy bears are ridiculous creatures and that doll with the ringlets has quite frightful features.




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