I’m the hatter, hatter, hatter, hatter, hatter,

Listen to that catter, catter, catter, catter,

He doesn’t know whose madder –

Me or the March hare.

What nonsense he will chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter,

Pay no mind – I don’t know who put him there,

Really and truly he ought to adorn a chair

And act as a cushion like Mallymkum there,

A chair? A dresser? A table? A desk?

Oh – wait one moment for I have a test –

Why is a raven like a writing desk?

You don’t know the answer?

Oh, you must be a chancer, evasion romancer

How will I ever learn

With so much tea in the earn?

Come, come, let’s drain it at once,

Let’s throw in some cakes and iced buns!

No girl, don’t eat them – you see

I meant throw them in the earn

To flavour the tea!

Mallymkum come here – do something for me!

We must lower you into the pot

So you can tell us how delicious it got…

No need for dread – we just need your head,

It’s full up with treacle – try this tea instead!