Roommate

For $2000 a month
I live in a closet
With shabby windows
the cold creeps in during the winters
And the heat assaults its way in on summer days
I’m either bundled up or lounging in underwear

The rat is the worst of it
Beady little eyes
Tiny little creepy teeth

“Don’t look at me like that,” he chitters while he devours my leftover sandwich.
“I can’t help it; you’re disgusting.”
“Heh. Look in the mirror lately, toots?!”

“I’m not kicking you out per se, but can you bathe regularly? You smell.”
The rat leans back picking at his teeth with one of my paperclips.
“Only if you buy me that lavender stuff.”
I roll my eyes. That lavender stuff is $50 a bottle.

He’s a proper NYC rat.
As big as a cat.
Moody and insolent.
Terrible breath.
Goes by the name of Chad.
WTF, right? Chad?

I could move out, but I’m used to this rat.
“The lavender stuff is in the bathroom,” I say.
He skitters across the floor.
Honestly isn’t the worst roommate I’ve ever had.
I was once married.

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