i would have loved to grown up a better person. this is not
a personal offense. merely an observation of the fact that
girlhood never seemed to suit me well. i was always too
loud too out there too much too needy too much want
i have been hard to handle and harder still to keep. i
do not believe this was my fault. girlhood struck me
right beneath the jaw. taught me to wear pretty dresses
and think pretty thoughts. i spent my formative years
consuming numerous vampire novels – i cannot help
myself; i have always been a lover of the flesh
and a sucker for all things rancid. girlhood says
this is symbolic: girlhood says it is no wonder
a girl as self-absorbed as i am would love
tales of violence and horror, of taking
all you believe to be yours. we become that which we consume;
and i, by god, consumed a lot of it.
pretty girls do not spend their teenage years
squirming in the basement, but i did it anyway.
girlhood tries to keep me skinny and well-mannered:
i tell girlhood to go suck it
one day, a sexy vampire lady will take me to her
castle, and i will get what is mine.