Once upon a time in a land very far away, lived a wonderful Prince who couldn’t seem to find a real Princess. There were beautiful women and thoughtful ladies, but how to find a real Princess?

He went to his computer and googled and poof! Up popped www.findahotprincess.com

There before him, was the profile of a hot princess. But, with all this modern-day technology, how could he tell if she were a real princess? His mother, the old queen told him to invite her to the castle and then let her handle the test. Ask any old queen and they’ll tell you that a real Princess can spot a real Birkin bag from throngs of people and half a city block away (Didn’t the whole world learn that in Legally Blonde?).

So the old queen made up the guest room with just one catch. At the very bottom of the 20 mattress bed, she hid a Birkin Bag. All 20 mattresses with 800-count Egyptian sheets and imported-from-France throw pillows were put on top.

It was Hurricane Sandy, so the Princess showed up looking like what the French would call a drowned rat. Surely, this couldn’t be a real Princess, but the old queen was from the south (aren’t all old queens?) and knew manners and invited the Princess to spend the night. The Princess was thrilled.

The next morning, the Prince, Princess and old queen had a lovely breakfast.

“How did you sleep, dear?” asked the old queen.

The Princess debated. “Well, actually, the feng shui of the room might have a been off. The sheets were wonderful but I am bruised: black and blue!”

The old queen arched an eyebrow, code for “she’s the real deal.”

The Prince rejoiced for he had found his love and wondered if he should email www.findahotprincess.com. Perhaps the publicity would lead to a reality show in his future.

 

Moral: Always trust etiquette and taste to an old queen; she’ll come through every time.