I am Gay

Born perfect, a bundle of joy to a blessed mother, “Let it be a boy,” said God,
Restless hormones made me crazy of soccer, robbers and thieves my favourite game,
A few black eyes and bloody nose under my name, proud of many rules broken in school,
Howled at girls with my buddies, made out at the back seat of my old man’s car,
Sultry actresses, all over my room wall, relieved urges of a growing man me,
A list of girlfriends before I met the one I truly loved to settle down,
A match made in heaven before she went rogue, transformed into a sadist empress,
Scorned at my every climax, claimed that I was weak to satisfy her needs,
Selfish and unforgiving, she was no mechanic in the sack, but a skilled assassin of a man’s ego,
Endless insults and fights, through days of sunshine or rain, stirred ruckus in my head,
A beautiful sun set became my worst nightmare, mortification lullabied my sleep at night,
Hate seeded, fertilized daily with the greatest efficiency, grew a strange emotion in me,
Started looking for comfort from male colleagues, shared my pains to keep me sane,
There were many more like me, emotionally abused till the state of incompetency,
One fated night, I met a man that forever changed my life, never to be the same,
We became secret lovers but remained a man to the eyes of family and friends,
The sadist found other men to take my place, oblivious of her contributions that had destroyed me,
The course of my life had diverted my path, denounced my birth rights,
I was born a normal man but I will die a gay, I have no regrets.

2 thoughts on “I am Gay

  1. I know exactly what you went through. I was sadistically abused by the man I was married to, and left him in 2007. Still battling to get over it, but getting there. Just know that all women are not like that, just as I’ve had to come to the realization that all men are not like that. Today, I’m battling with my son to help him get over the abuse dealt by his wife… he still needs to get to the point where he takes a decision to “let go.” I hope that day comes soon…

    1. Thank you for your comments on my poem regarding one of the many reasons why some married men ended up being a gay.
      I am a woman just like you and I went through a rough life with my first husband too.Mentally abused but I got out of 16 years of hell with him. A decision that took 4 long years to conclude. Therefore, I can relate to your own experiences in marriage.
      I wrote this poem based on my observation of victimized men. True, not all men and women are ruthless. This is just one of the reason for the occurence of this common phenomenon at present.
      I hope that your son will win in his battle of letting go. Some of us need more time to accomplish the same goal than others.
      Take care Ant.

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