• jlnash commented on the post, Longing 8 months ago

    Thanks for this, I was also wondering about that line. Thank you for your suggestion. Helps me to edit it.

  • When we were poor
    you gave me a piece of paper
    when banks still issued them
    and used what little savings you had
    to give me the only thing I was lacking
    For you had already given me everything else
    That I […]

  • Squizzle finkle pop sqirzle
    Squish squad
    Straining to shuffle into view
    With one eye it peeks
    From beneath a sheet of gold
    So fine
    It could have been spun
    by intergalactic gold worms
    With no fear it […]

  • jlnash wrote a new post, XXII 8 months, 1 week ago

    Brats don’t give a fuck
    Construction was never in my world,
    Too cold to miss the game
    Noo excuses might see the lovely Suzie
    Lucky Suz I call her
    A dead cat stretches out perhaps it’s sleeping
    Cut this […]

  • jlnash wrote a new post, Longing 8 months, 1 week ago

    I’ve learned not to long for things
    Not out loud anyway
    In case it makes the pixies
    Remember what a sense of humour is
    And execute some swift response at my expense.
    I’ll keep shtum, lips pressed toge […]

    • I like how this poem turns the title and speaks not about what is longed for but about what is never spoken. Each line feeds into the idea that a voiced longing is like a birthday wish; it won’t come true if it’s spoken. Your lines also feed into the twist you’ve established. I particularly like the contrast in the image of humorous pixies, usually seen as cute and fun, executing and making mischief with the speaker’s desires..

      The only thing I would change is to take away this line: “Oh about what?” because I don’t think you need to ask this question. The last line makes the point all by itself.

    • Thanks for this, I was also wondering about that line. Thank you for your suggestion. Helps me to edit it.

  • jlnash wrote a new post, Lumiere 8 months, 1 week ago

    It came from the top
    I thought we were about to
    be plunged into darkness
    for the whole evening
    But it came from above
    I saw the prism fan out
    light the screen from the
    projector box above and […]

  • They begin in single file possibly as breeders with a clone already attached they leave their cars in schoolyards and then again in carparks until they arrive in supermarkets pushing carts with kids in them round […]

  • Tick Tock clock dead
    No-one checks what the kids watch
    on TV when on their  own
    Ring Ring Phone Broken
    Doesn’t take any time to stare out into space
    so you can do it as much as you like
    you will never be la […]

  • jlnash wrote a new post, Hang Up 8 months, 1 week ago

    Don’t let her speak to you that way
    In what I thought was profound and
    sound advice to one so much younger than myself
    But I confused her all the more
    I don’t know what it means
    She said to me, hesit […]

    • I love this! The generation divide made clear by language leftovers from technologies they don’t know.

  • Said bye to the Mrs and the girlfriend too
    It’s a long haul flight – got to get this right
    I’m fighting to sit in Business
    But it’s cattle class I’m at.
    Got my sketchpad and pen
    Ever since I was a little […]

  • Where, thanks to the Sun
    my skin is paper-thin,
    I submerge myself in nature blessing.
    Portia’s hand steadies mine as
    calendula is applied sparingly.
    International, ancient, remedy
    devised long before my a […]

  • A potentially interminable state of being.
    The one where any brush cannot prise apart
    When the fingertips have to strip back to
    claw their way though the tresses
    Arms rowing through tempests over
    reed beds , […]

  • The autumnal colours spattered through the copse
    Leaves releasing musky essence of each vein’s blood
    Overhead stayed upon the branches no wind to pare them
    Were locked in Elven arrangements
    As might reindeer b […]

  • I want to stay away from the USA
    I know not all of it is fundamental religiosity
    But I have no burning curiosity to see
    A land happy in origin of its rejection of me
    Its symbols are crashing and being […]

  • I once had upon the mantelpiece
    A sand picture housed between 2 glass panels
    Prized as a child for its innovative charm
    I owned a tape cassette and listened
    to a song of moonbeams hidden
    Adventure revealed in […]

  • The comfort of fireflies
    Housed in a brown-glass bottle
    The fruits of labours spent over
    A long day of laughter
    Is soon forgotten,
    Like the African mask keepsake
    From a year’s past holiday,
    In the face of a […]

    • The title intrigued me very much and it interesting to see the connection to porridge (comfort food.) The first few lines were so vivid…it took me back to childhood. I love your poetic devices ..alliteration “.. a long day of laughter” and comparison to forgetting like forgetting the African mask. Beautiful!

  • Right, ok, you know
    Us and them
    Sadly you waved away the space
    It was a good idea, to be sad
    Filled you up with black holes
    And more black holes
    Just right
    Opening for you

  • I’m sanitising the  sideboard where I lay my paper down
    I’m bleaching the steps at the front and back doors
    I’ve got bottles of disinfectant ready for murder, if I must
    I’m keeping a squeaky clean house be […]

    • This was a fun read. Sounds like a pandemic of toads to me. Australia? I know of these toads. I know of this COVID. Nice mixture of both if I’m reading this correctly.

  • yeah i agree, i did think i needed a bit more time to play with it – thanks for comment

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