“I am choosing not to suffer uselessly / and not to use her / I choose to love / this time / for once / with all of my intelligence” – Adrienne Rich

she and I

terrified, i suppose i am

we seem to be beyond choosing

to be together or to not

is beyond our faculties, to

make a choice, a decision to suffer

i often find prodding my brain uselessly

to be a mere habit

and also a comfort, not

because it is comfortable but it is satisfying to

the way that a hunter tortures a creature with no defense mechanisms to use

that’s how i am with my brain some days (most days) without her

she and I

a life to choose

our life begs us to

to choose each other is to love

to love this

to embrace this time

when we discover it is what we are made for

just try it once

your soul’s mirror to laugh with

cry, hold, accept: all

it is what we are made of

i do believe, i choose her with all of my

intelligence