the new coat of paint helped

what did Jessica call it?  tidal wave?

its blue, light blue, with a teal accent wall at the entrance

Judy is working on putting up sheers in the doorway

to blot the light so I don’t get migraines

I have a big girl desk now,

the old one was a child’s desk

a big child, but a child’s desk

and my big girl desk is turned so instead of facing the wall in the back corner

I’m facing the people who arrive,

no one puts Teri in the corner

anymore.

but the big thing that changed

is that after fifteen months

I finally chose

not

to be subordinate to the empty chair in the office

the place he used to sit

used to type

used to be

used to send all those e-mails from

the chair everyone knows is empty now

that chair

I no longer will be

subordinate to.

because that chair is empty

and my chair has me

and I am enough.