There is no darkness

only light

i see coral oranges and teal blues

i see anger…I see rocking chairs

I feel questions

I hear pain

this is my book of genesis

I have no illusions on how I came to be

i moved into a womb

of a stubbornly loving mother

and a cancerous father

he negotiated his blueprint

to another

my mother had not ceased to exist to him

she was solely the woman he wanted at convenience

his disconnect seeped into her womb

and I wondered in the wake of this family fire

how love existed on this side

I had seen our lives disconnected

defied by my father’s own selfish crusade

he was imperfect, as every man I have encountered

And he bailed, as every man I have encountered

he taught me first

that i mattered only after his own needs were taken care of

my existence to him is only after

that is how my world came to be…

i have no doubts about any of it….

and I still love him despite it all