I let my heart break
\nover a lost father I barely knew
\nall the while pinning blame to my mothers sleeve<\/p>\n
I am not sure I am ready
\nto turn back clocks
\nor erase pain that felt like gasoline dousing me
\nuntil I caved to the twisted truth
\nthat not everything that happens
\ncan be placed securely in named spot<\/p>\n
I miss German chocolate birthday cakes
\nsneaky smiles from across the room
\nmomma letting me bend rules because I am the oldest.<\/p>\n
I miss well intentioned IOU’s
\nin my Christmas stocking
\nlate night Turkey Dinners
\nthe kind that start prep at noon<\/p>\n
I do not miss the disappointment in your voice
\nthe curled lip when I refuse to fold
\nnever caving to your interpretations of my “imagined” pain<\/p>\n
At 44 I learned that while you might not have lied
\nyou certainly have a knack for bending truth<\/p>\n
I am not sure I will ever escape the guilt I feel
\nover feeling things you thought I aught not have felt
\nwhile I was dealing with things I didn’t know how to process
\nand you were helping in the only way you’d ever been helped<\/p>\n
I can still hear you chewing ice
\nif I let myself
\nI guess you had coping mechanisms as well?<\/p>\n
Everyone in the family has some spin
\non the black sheep I am
\nand my imagined struggles<\/p>\n
I guess the way you see it
\nI let my heart break
\n————————————————————————–<\/p>\n
My Dearest Mother
\nIf we never speak again
\nknow I am trying<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I let my heart break over a lost father I barely knew all the while pinning blame to my mothers sleeve I am not sure I am ready to turn back clocks or erase pain that felt like gasoline dousing me until I caved to…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4456,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-116686","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-half-marathon-poem"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116686","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4456"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=116686"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116686\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":122912,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/116686\/revisions\/122912"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=116686"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=116686"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=116686"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}