Hi, my name is [screech cough cough gag]<\/p>\n
I am a cryptid<\/p>\n
a nocturnal shapeshifter<\/p>\n
many think I don\u2019t exist<\/p>\n
but, um, hello, hi?<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Welcome to my cave\u2014<\/p>\n
urhm, do you mind taking off your shoes?<\/p>\n
Yes! That\u2019s my comic book collection<\/p>\n
Have you read this one?<\/p>\n
No, I highly recommend their work,<\/p>\n
top notch character development<\/p>\n
and the illustrations are to die for!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Oops [accidently slaps interviewer and knocks over a lamp]<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t actually open the wings very often.<\/p>\n
Sometimes they just, you know,<\/p>\n
spring right open when I get excited or upset\u2014<\/p>\n
where are my manners!<\/p>\n
Would you like something to drink?<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
It\u2019s been so long since I\u2019ve had company.<\/p>\n
[turns on wall torch, sound of running water]<\/p>\n
My cavemates do most of the decorating<\/p>\n
They\u2019re [whispers] daylight creatures,<\/p>\n
I try to keep it down [gestures with one formidable claw]<\/p>\n
You like?<\/p>\n
The kitchen is just to die for!<\/p>\n
[wings spring open, knocks kettle off the stove]<\/p>\n
Ugh, I am such a clutz!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
[sitting down in an armchair for tea and a plate of cookies]<\/p>\n
So, ask away! What would you like to learn about me?<\/p>\n
You think you can come into this cave<\/p>\n
And try to get a rise out of me!<\/p>\n
Well, doesn\u2019t that beat all!<\/p>\n
It\u2019s always, \u201cCan I see your fangs?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhere do you put the bodies?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow do you *whispers* \u2018do it\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n
[sigh] No one ever asks about my hobbies.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s time for you to go. Why?<\/p>\n
[stands up to full height, speaks with the booming voice of 100 creatures]<\/p>\n
I find you rude, I am suddenly very hungry,<\/p>\n
And I just cleaned this carpet.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
[interviewer leaves a string of apologies on their race to the door]<\/p>\n
Score! Papa\u2019s got a new pair of shoes.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
[Distant cavemate: [SHRIEK COUGH COUGH GAG] Can you please keep it down! Not everybody\u2019s nocturnal]<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
END SCENE<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Hi, my name is [screech cough cough gag] I am a cryptid a nocturnal shapeshifter many think I don\u2019t exist but, um, hello, hi? Welcome to my cave\u2014 urhm, do you mind taking off your shoes? Yes! That\u2019s my comic book collection Have you…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4428,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-119152","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marathon-poem"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/119152","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4428"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=119152"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/119152\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":119160,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/119152\/revisions\/119160"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=119152"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=119152"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=119152"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}