{"id":127394,"date":"2023-09-02T10:11:51","date_gmt":"2023-09-02T14:11:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/?p=127394"},"modified":"2023-09-02T10:11:51","modified_gmt":"2023-09-02T14:11:51","slug":"self-defense-for-women-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/2023\/09\/self-defense-for-women-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Self Defense for Women (2)"},"content":{"rendered":"

CLIENT:<\/strong><\/p>\n

Her mother signs her up for the class<\/p>\n

and tells us that she was ‘assaulted with words’<\/p>\n

at first, this brings to mind swarthy strangers<\/p>\n

chasing her down the street yelling gibberish<\/p>\n

‘Tomato sandwich!’<\/p>\n

‘Abscond!’<\/p>\n

‘Prairie dog cowboy hat!’<\/p>\n

angrily as she cries<\/p>\n

but if they’re willing to catcall<\/p>\n

commenting loudly and with suggestive subtext<\/p>\n

about the body of a 17 year old<\/p>\n

it stands to reason<\/p>\n

they might do much more.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:<\/strong><\/p>\n

The marine in class before she appears<\/p>\n

says it was all just cowardice<\/p>\n

that a real man approaches<\/p>\n

sacks up, says<\/p>\n

‘Hey pretty lady, how about we grab a drink?’<\/p>\n

a perfect white smile appearing<\/p>\n

on his permanently-tanned face<\/p>\n

to the applause of the other older men<\/p>\n

and when she appears<\/p>\n

he tries to teach her<\/p>\n

‘The good ol’ 1, 2′<\/p>\n

belly jiggling as he punches the air.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

SERVICE RENDERED:<\/strong><\/p>\n

I start them on a simple drill<\/p>\n

and take her over to BOB<\/p>\n

a man-shaped target<\/p>\n

with incredible abs<\/p>\n

sculpted shorts hiding invisible penis<\/p>\n

standing on a plastic base<\/p>\n

I show her feigning surrender<\/p>\n

slapping the ears<\/p>\n

clinching behind the head<\/p>\n

dropping the chin<\/p>\n

for a headbutt.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

RESULT:<\/strong><\/p>\n

surrender, smack, grab, slam<\/p>\n

she plays an excellent victim<\/p>\n

before obliterating the nasal bone<\/p>\n

with a wrecking ball headbutt<\/p>\n

and adding the knee to the crotch<\/p>\n

like I showed her<\/p>\n

I ask the marine<\/p>\n

‘Do you feel like approaching now?’<\/p>\n

smack, grab, slam<\/p>\n

surrender down to half a second<\/p>\n

knee hitting rubber crotch so hard<\/p>\n

BOB’s base, filled with water, tips backward<\/p>\n

‘Lord no,’ he says.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

CLIENT: Her mother signs her up for the class and tells us that she was ‘assaulted with words’ at first, this brings to mind swarthy strangers chasing her down the street yelling gibberish ‘Tomato sandwich!’ ‘Abscond!’ ‘Prairie dog cowboy hat!’ angrily as she cries but…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3743,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-127394","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marathon-poem"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/127394","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3743"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=127394"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/127394\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":127893,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/127394\/revisions\/127893"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=127394"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=127394"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=127394"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}