There are things I can’t speak about.<\/p>\n
I want to.<\/p>\n
I try<\/p>\n
But they stick in my throat and won’t come out.<\/p>\n
They are things that were done to me<\/p>\n
That stole my innocence<\/p>\n
My confidence<\/p>\n
My voice<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
The counselor says What would happen if you just talked about one of them?<\/em><\/p>\n Just one.<\/p>\n I can’t express what would happen.<\/p>\n Probably nothing<\/p>\n But it feels<\/em> like my whole world would explode<\/p>\n And I would disappear with the flying shrapnel<\/p>\n <\/p>\n So I say nothing<\/p>\n Walking on a jittery tightrope between<\/p>\n Holding it in forever<\/p>\n And letting it out<\/p>\n Both options are equally painful<\/p>\n Equally bad.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Every now and then I try to tell someone who loves me<\/p>\n My husband<\/p>\n My best friend<\/p>\n I never do.<\/p>\n The counselor says that talking about it will ease the pain.<\/p>\n I wonder how it would feel and<\/p>\n Sometimes I imagine myself saying them out loud.<\/p>\n In my day dreams they flow off my tongue easily<\/p>\n Like a story I’m telling about someone else.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Only it’s not someone else’s story.<\/p>\n It’s mine.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n The solitude of this unspoken pain<\/p>\n Is comforting at times.<\/p>\n It’s mine, no one knows, no one can judge<\/p>\n But most of the time it’s crushing<\/p>\n I struggle to breathe<\/p>\n I can’t think<\/p>\n Until I distract myself with other thoughts<\/p>\n Like a child is distracted by a new toy<\/p>\n Or a puppy.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Several years ago I tried to tell my husband<\/p>\n Just one of these things.<\/p>\n I took a deep breath and forced it out<\/p>\n Just a sentence<\/p>\n Then another<\/p>\n I waited for the pain to dissipate.<\/p>\n I waited for him to say something.<\/p>\n There was only silence.<\/p>\n Some say that silence is nothing,<\/p>\n But that silence built an impenetrable barrier<\/p>\n That has prevented another sentence\u00a0from<\/p>\n Ever being spoken about it.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n I wonder if I’ll live in this solitude for the rest of my life.<\/p>\n I could live with the pain, but not the loneliness of<\/p>\n Knowing that someone else has sentenced me to this solitude<\/p>\n Forever.<\/p>\n What was done to my body was<\/p>\n Painful<\/p>\n Wrong<\/p>\n Tragic<\/p>\n Criminal<\/p>\n But it was nothing compared to what was done to my soul.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" There are things I can’t speak about. I want to. I try But they stick in my throat and won’t come out. They are things that were done to me That stole my innocence My confidence My voice The counselor says What would happen…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":52,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3910","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marathon-poem"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3910","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/52"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3910"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3910\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3961,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3910\/revisions\/3961"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3910"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3910"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3910"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}