I\u2019m not my mother\u2019s daughter, I am my own machine.<\/p>\n
I stand tall, I walk proud, and I know how to act mean.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I\u2019m the funniest person you\u2019ve ever met. Most interesting, too.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s absolutely nothing I\u2019ve ever tried that I can\u2019t do.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Only black diamond ski slopes, and dollar slot machines.<\/p>\n
Did I mention I was in black ops in the United States Marines?<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I\u2019ll wear grey hair tomorrow, but purple rocks today.<\/p>\n
There\u2019s never a situation where I don\u2019t know what to say.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Want to get to know me? Come out to my yacht!<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve got ten million Twitter fans, and they all think I\u2019m hot.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I once stole a ride through Canada on a giant hot air balloon<\/p>\n
Then went straight down to NASA to fly a rocket to the moon.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I climbed up Mt. Everest backwards, and I only used one hand,<\/p>\n
Then flew right back to London to front a death-metal band.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I\u2019m sure you know Rhianna\u2014I taught her how to dress.<\/p>\n
The Pope and I philosophize, and then he asks me whom to bless.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Mechanics come to me to make their fine Ferraris purr.<\/p>\n
I wield a magic sword that forces kings to call me sir.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I saved five thousand refugees from drowning in the sea.<\/p>\n
I even solved the problem of where to let transgenders pee.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
I\u2019m sure by now you\u2019re thinking only some of this is true.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re right, but what exactly? Well, I leave that up to you.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019m not my mother\u2019s daughter, I am my own machine. I stand tall, I walk proud, and I know how to act mean. I\u2019m the funniest person you\u2019ve ever met. Most interesting, too. There\u2019s absolutely nothing I\u2019ve ever tried that I can\u2019t do. …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1075,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[2686,965,2122],"class_list":["post-41761","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-half-marathon-poem","tag-exaggeration","tag-humor","tag-vivian"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41761","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1075"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=41761"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41761\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":42076,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/41761\/revisions\/42076"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=41761"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=41761"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=41761"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}