{"id":50332,"date":"2019-06-22T16:08:22","date_gmt":"2019-06-22T20:08:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/?p=50332"},"modified":"2019-06-22T16:27:04","modified_gmt":"2019-06-22T20:27:04","slug":"eight-3","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/2019\/06\/eight-3\/","title":{"rendered":"eight"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u201cI hated waking up, not remembering what had happened to me.\u201d<br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">I was chatting with my therapist<br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">about my experiences<br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">with electroconvulsive therapy.<br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">Shock treatments.<br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">I was explaining why ECT<br \/>\nfelt like<br \/>\nI was being re-traumatized<br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">with every induced seizure of my brain. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">My therapist asked:<br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u201cAre there other times in your life that you woke up and couldn\u2019t remember what had happened to you?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">I\u2019m getting ahead of myself.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">I\u2019m a depressed person.<br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">I am mentally ill.<br \/>\nI am clinically depressed.<br \/>\nEven at my most recovered,<br \/>\nmy healthiest,<br \/>\nmy most thriving self:<br \/>\nI am sick.<br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">I have made many sabotaging attempts<br \/>\nto be as sick as I can.<br \/>\nI have also made many attempts<br \/>\nto get well.<br \/>\nAlcohol (I got sober).<br \/>\nDrugs (I got clean).<br \/>\nTherapy.<br \/>\nAntidepressants.<br \/>\nSelf-help books.<br \/>\nBuddhism.<br \/>\nI starved myself (I recovered).<br \/>\nPrayer.<br \/>\nMeditation.<br \/>\nAnti-anxiety meds.<br \/>\nAnti-psychotics.<br \/>\nPsych wards.<br \/>\nAnd, finally, shock treatments.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">\u201cI woke up, not knowing what had happened to me.\u201d<br \/>\n<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400\">This is the declaration that serves as the cliff from which I leap.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cI hated waking up, not remembering what had happened to me.\u201d I was chatting with my therapist about my experiences with electroconvulsive therapy. Shock treatments. I was explaining why ECT felt like I was being re-traumatized with every induced seizure of my brain. My therapist&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":995,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-50332","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-miscellaneous"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50332","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/995"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=50332"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50332\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":50878,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50332\/revisions\/50878"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=50332"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=50332"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=50332"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}