There’s a lot of things in my life<\/p>\n
Where I ask the question Why Didn’t I?<\/p>\n
However only one eats me up inside<\/p>\n
And it was the night that my daughter’s innocence was lost<\/p>\n
Stolen<\/p>\n
Why didn’t I turn the light on?<\/p>\n
When I was being a light to someone else<\/p>\n
And when my daughter needed light<\/p>\n
My light<\/p>\n
To shine on her<\/p>\n
I left her in the darkness<\/p>\n
Why didn’t I turn the light on?<\/p>\n
Like I did in the other rooms<\/p>\n
Even when I saw shadows<\/p>\n
But not when I saw a shadow over you<\/p>\n
Why didn’t I turn the light on?<\/p>\n
Was it because something in me wasn’t turned on<\/p>\n
Or was it that I just couldn’t believe or didn’t think it would, could, happen to you too<\/p>\n
Why didn’t I turn the light on?<\/p>\n
Like I did when you screamed<\/p>\n
Waking up from your dreams<\/p>\n
Your memories<\/p>\n
Because you remembered what he had done<\/p>\n
Then quickly to be safe and be at peace<\/p>\n
You put on a strong a face and later said<\/p>\n
That didn’t happen to me<\/p>\n
Why didn’t I turn the light on?<\/p>\n
And call the police<\/p>\n
Take his DNA to the doctor<\/p>\n
When I wiped it from you the next day<\/p>\n
Why didn’t I trust my instinct<\/p>\n
Go with my gut<\/p>\n
Instead of staying in denial<\/p>\n
Why didn’t I turn the light on?<\/p>\n
It replays over and over in my head<\/p>\n
Now I cannot forget<\/p>\n
And it’s like I’m torturing myself<\/p>\n
Waiting for you to get mad at me<\/p>\n
Accuse me of not being there<\/p>\n
Of not doing my job right<\/p>\n
I would deserve this fight<\/p>\n
When the time came<\/p>\n
For you to ask me<\/p>\n
To say<\/p>\n
“Mommy. Why Didn’t You Keep Me Safe<\/p>\n
Why Didn’t You Protect Me<\/p>\n
Mommy I knew you were there<\/p>\n
Just like you knew he was there<\/p>\n
Why didn’t you turn the light on<\/p>\n
And save me?”<\/p>\n
And I am so mad at myself<\/p>\n
Because I’ve been asking that same question<\/p>\n
You deserve an answer, something that makes sense<\/p>\n
Something that might even be close to acceptable<\/p>\n
But I have none of that<\/p>\n
I only have, “I don’t know baby Girl.<\/p>\n
I’ve been asking myself that question too.”<\/p>\n
It’s not good enough<\/p>\n
Nothing will ever be good enough<\/p>\n
My power of Self Accountability and Self Responsibility<\/p>\n
Failed my daughter that night<\/p>\n
So each day I ask myself inside<\/p>\n
So that it will never happen again<\/p>\n
Why Didn’t I<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Copyright \u00a9 2019 by Angelica Stevenson<\/p>\n
All Rights Reserved<\/p>\n
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<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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