{"id":61282,"date":"2020-06-27T01:18:02","date_gmt":"2020-06-27T05:18:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/?p=61282"},"modified":"2022-06-26T00:14:34","modified_gmt":"2022-06-26T04:14:34","slug":"wallflower","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/2020\/06\/wallflower\/","title":{"rendered":"Wallflower"},"content":{"rendered":"

Quiet yourself and grow smaller
\n<\/span>One pill makes you larger
\n<\/span>The pill you tell men that you cannot take
\nProtection comes in so many forms
\nLike a wallflower trying not to be seen
\nTo be plucked pulled cut at the root<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t dye my hair blue anymore because people will stare
\nI want to be seen in a bedroom
\n<\/span>I want to be seen in a home
\n<\/span>Doors shut tightly locked double locked
\nCheck the locks again to be sure\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Being cut off – I hate it
\n<\/span>Let me finish let me complete a
\n<\/span>Nevermind I didn\u2019t have anything to say
\nAnyway
\nI am decoration I am a brass hanging lamp unlit
\nYou talk too much fill your mouth with something
\n<\/span>Harder
\n<\/span>Wetter
\nSweeter
\nAlcoholic
\n<\/span>I drink too much please don\u2019t notice
\nPoint out jutting clavicles and silence<\/p>\n

I wanted to be an angel; a muse
\nDon\u2019t you see they took the shiny parts
\nTook the lightning and thunder
\nLike a sorry excuse for LA rainstorms
\n<\/span>I used to make windows rattle but at least
\nNow I\u2019m a safer drive\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I belong in a gutter, no that\u2019s my mother talking
\nListen to Radiohead and leave this body
\nThis cage this trap this neon sign
\nIf there was a green pill I\u2019d name it control
\nMake it mine
\nTake it every day like Paxil
\n<\/span>Will this make it easier
\n<\/span>Will this make me ok<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t shake the sore throat the fever dreams
\nWake up silent scream drenched in sweat
\n4 missed calls from heaven but hell is in my bed
\n<\/span>Throat chakra
\n<\/span>Thyroid test
\n<\/span>Get some rest
\nLike I could ever stop moving
\n<\/span>Stillness is an enemy
\n<\/span>Silence is a ghost<\/p>\n

I grow big and small
\nMy namesake accurate when clouds are thick
\nKeep getting sick
\n<\/span>People worry
\n<\/span>Guilt hangs heavy I still fight to stand
\nCan\u2019t demand change with a
\n<\/span>Missing voice box
\nIf you find it can you wind it up
\n<\/span>Went from center stage
\n<\/span>To choir mouse need to blend
\n<\/span>Can\u2019t defend my absence
\n<\/span>When they come they turn the tv off
\nIt\u2019s too bright a 27 year old shouldn\u2019t sleep with the lights on
\nBut it\u2019s not my place, is it
\nThe space you visit
\nMausoleum of baggy clothes<\/p>\n

I chose this but I\u2019m scared of what
\nPeople think
\n<\/span>Family thinks
\n<\/span>Two more drinks and maybe your friends will like me
\n<\/span>Too young to wear leather
\nOvernight became too old
\n<\/span>Days of bold displays
\n<\/span>Left right when hope did
\n<\/span>Shame leaves me painted into the decor
\nPining first nothing more
\n<\/span>Than to go to IKEA
\n<\/span>Embrace the idea that I\u2019m worth more
\n<\/span>Than furniture\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

One day I\u2019ll feel at home
\n<\/span>One day chocolate sunflowers will bloom me in their center
\n<\/span>I will surrender behind this steel wall
\nStay here where it feels automatic
\nThe traumatic thoughts aren\u2019t real
\nAnother projection
\n<\/span>Broken kill switch
\nAnd I know she took it with her
\n<\/span>Don\u2019t bother
\n<\/span>It\u2019s a fight you cannot win
\n<\/span>Bleeding knuckles
\n<\/span>I wish I was less Fight Club
\n<\/span>More Dirty Dancing
\nThey like me best in a corner<\/p>\n

Wallflower, growing up home
\n<\/span>that didn\u2019t feel mine
\nTime costs more than moods swing
\nPendulum girl koi fish
\n<\/span>Swimming circles in Perrier and Cabernet
\nTop down top off
\n<\/span>Drop a house on me
\n<\/span>Tell me I\u2019m not bad\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Quiet yourself and grow smaller One pill makes you larger The pill you tell men that you cannot take Protection comes in so many forms Like a wallflower trying not to be seen To be plucked pulled cut at the root I don\u2019t dye my…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":981,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[3449,1162,3436,3448],"class_list":["post-61282","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-marathon-poem","tag-beforethestorm","tag-introduction","tag-personal","tag-pre-marathon"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/61282","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/981"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=61282"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/61282\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":61285,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/61282\/revisions\/61285"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=61282"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=61282"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=61282"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}