Awkward conversation<\/p>\n
This is for the man who rang my phone at 11:57pm last Wednesday night.
\nYou know who you are.
\nI picked up the phone expecting conversation,
\nsomething enlightening,
\nmaybe some little story about your day,
\nmaybe you\u2019d ask about mine….I don\u2019t know.
\nInstead it went more like….hello….. to which I responded ……hey what\u2019s up?
\nand then silence for about 10 seconds.
\nIn case you didn\u2019t know,
\n10 seconds of silence is a long time of quiet at the beginning of a conversation.
\nSo, me, already feeling the call of my pillow in the crook of my neck says sooooooo?
\nas if to remind him of his purpose for ringing my phone;
\nAs if I need to spell out to this grown up why he even picked up the phone-
\nIn case he forgot who he called or what he needed…….
\nWhy he existed at all….whatever the reason was
\nThen he says-\u2018I just wanted to say hi.\u201d<\/p>\n
Now my brain explodes.
\nNow, I am in between the questions and the motives.
\nNow, I am searching for explanation that is not on his tongue not on his lips
\nprobably not even on his heart –
\nBut I am trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.
\nSo before I pounce I breathe. <\/p>\n
I say \u201cthat\u2019s nice\u201d as if I am speaking to a child.
\nI say \u201cis that all you wanted to say?\u201d
\nleaving him the space to be himself,
\nLeaving him the room to move around,
\nTo spread petals on the floor
\nTo pull a book off the Shelf
\ngive a news report
\nTo tell me about his day
\ninquire about mine
\nask me what I ate for dinner
\nI leave him room to step
\nTo roam around
\nAll this empty space
\nI am waiting for him to fill but there is only silence.
\nDeafening silence.<\/p>\n
So many words unsaid and now I am growing irritated.
\nIrritated that he bothered to call
\nWith nothing to say
\nWith no story to tell
\nNo interesting facts to share
\nOr wisdom to wield
\nAnd then he asks \u201care you getting ready for bed?\u201d
\nTo which I respond- \u201cI\u2019m already there.\u201d
\nAnd I can hear him smile.<\/p>\n
Now, I am questioning motives again.
\nI tell him \u2018I\u2019ve got a lot to do tomorrow.\u2019
\nI wait.
\nHe says- \u201cI wish I was there.\u201d<\/p>\n
And I let the words lay dormant a while.
\nI let them sit inside the crevice of the stream he planned-
\nLet them dangle on the line squirming for the life he thought they\u2019d have.
\nI leave them there long enough to get cold;
\nBecome awkward.
\nLong enough for him to deliberate, theorize, contemplate.
\nBut all he says is -\u201cdid you hear me?\u201d <\/p>\n
As if I needed to hear the words again
\nHear him confirm what I already believed
\nI say -\u201cyes\u201d.
\nNothing else. Silence again.
\nI don\u2019t need to respond.
\nThere is nothing here that demands my reply.
\nThis is the white noise that is left between two people
\nWhen there is nothing left to feel-
\nWhen silence changes the atmosphere
\nWhen all he wants is booty or warm body just for a night
\nMaybe he misses my French toast and eggs in the morning
\nOr the way he used to press himself into the outline of my body
\nWhen we slept
\nBut I am not some shallow form
\nI am not some pit stop on your way to being alone
\nI am not your late night snack or early morning coffee
\nI am not that girl
\nAnd the silence speaks volumes and I hope it reminds you again
\nThat this is not the place to come to hang your hat
\nOr fill your belly or read a book
\nYou have other places for that
\nso I let him hang himself with the rope
\nhe brought when he picked up the phone to call me.<\/p>\n
He says-\u201cI guess you\u2019re tired\u201d as if I need an excuse
\nAs if I don\u2019t hear his quiet plea
\nI say…\u201dyeah, definitely so\u201d. He says \u201cok, I will call you tomorrow \u201c
\nBut what he doesn\u2019t know is
\nTomorrow, I won\u2019t even pick up the phone.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Awkward conversation This is for the man who rang my phone at 11:57pm last Wednesday night. You know who you are. I picked up the phone expecting conversation, something enlightening, maybe some little story about your day, maybe you\u2019d ask about mine….I don\u2019t know. Instead…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":40,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-69604","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-half-marathon-poem"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/69604","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/40"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=69604"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/69604\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":69613,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/69604\/revisions\/69613"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=69604"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=69604"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=69604"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}