{"id":72587,"date":"2020-06-28T00:00:26","date_gmt":"2020-06-28T04:00:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/?p=72587"},"modified":"2020-06-28T00:02:05","modified_gmt":"2020-06-28T04:02:05","slug":"72587","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/2020\/06\/72587\/","title":{"rendered":"yes. it is a sickness to leave no holes in walls. [hour 15]"},"content":{"rendered":"

yes.
\nit is a sickness to leave no holes in walls.<\/p>\n

a note:
\nleaving holes in the shape of fists
\nis a related separate sickness;
\nperhaps they will be cross-referenced in the next DSM.<\/p>\n

when you yell
\nand it breaks nothing or not enough
\nor you worry
\nyour fist will hit something more human than drywall
\nthose holes too say:
\nHere Is a Person Who Does Not Know How To Touch The World<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

i have only always lived in:
\na perpetual state of financial insecurity;
\nperpetual fear of losing my security deposit;
\nnot many square feet to start with and
\nan ever-narrowing window of time before the lease runs out.<\/p>\n

i fear and wonder that
\ni may never live
\nin a home
\ni own. by which i mean:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

i may indeed do and sign the deed.
\ni may be queen of all that i surveil.
\ni may have a room of my own
\nand a fenced backyard,
\na built-in washer-dryer,
\n(or more likely a dilapidated porch
\nand burnt grass
\nand a laundromat around the corner)<\/p>\n

i fear and wonder that
\ni may never live
\nin a home
\ni own. by which i mean:<\/p>\n

i cannot use command strips and tacs
\nto hang my grandmother’s mirror,
\nor floating shelves to display her perfume bottle
\nand a porcelain unicorn i was given at age 8
\nand a puck thrown to me by my favorite player.<\/p>\n

i would have to.
\nleave holes.
\nin the walls.<\/p>\n

by which i mean. i mean. i mean to say.<\/p>\n

i have bought drywall anchors and a stud finder
\nand yet have hung no heavy pictures.
\ni have my painters tape and tarps galore
\nand yet have painted no walls.
\nbecause<\/p>\n

to make this space my own
\ni will have to<\/p>\n

i will have to<\/p>\n

i will have to hammer a nail,
\nscrew into drywall (anchors: purchased),
\ni will have to think:<\/p>\n

this is my home
\nwhere i will live
\nthat i can damage.
\nthat i am damaging
\nin order to make it mine<\/p>\n

yes.
\nit is my sickness to leave no holes in walls<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

yes. it is a sickness to leave no holes in walls. a note: leaving holes in the shape of fists is a related separate sickness; perhaps they will be cross-referenced in the next DSM. when you yell and it breaks nothing or not enough or…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1532,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[680],"class_list":["post-72587","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-half-marathon-poem","tag-poetrymarathon"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72587","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1532"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=72587"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72587\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":72886,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72587\/revisions\/72886"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=72587"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=72587"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=72587"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}