{"id":72656,"date":"2020-06-27T23:28:49","date_gmt":"2020-06-28T03:28:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/?p=72656"},"modified":"2020-06-27T23:28:49","modified_gmt":"2020-06-28T03:28:49","slug":"walking-my-human","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/2020\/06\/walking-my-human\/","title":{"rendered":"Walking My Human"},"content":{"rendered":"

Each day, I walk my human.<\/span><\/p>\n

I love watching his mood change\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

the farther we get from home.<\/span><\/p>\n

I know he\u2019s not\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

the sharpest tool in the shed,<\/span><\/p>\n

as he often forgets my name.<\/span><\/p>\n

He calls me Ucker, or<\/span><\/p>\n

he confuses me with a duck, of all things.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I am NOT a ducking dog.<\/span><\/p>\n

What a fool he is.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll sniff and point\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

and eat so much juicy grass tips,<\/span><\/p>\n

that he thinks I\u2019m a cow.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll wander aimlessly and\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

take him on these\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

monstrously<\/span><\/p>\n

long<\/span><\/p>\n

walks.<\/span><\/p>\n

My god, he needs it.<\/span><\/p>\n

He\u2019s got a spare tire with him,<\/span><\/p>\n

and we\u2019re not even driving!<\/span><\/p>\n

He\u2019s fat,<\/span><\/p>\n

and I am not talking PH phat.<\/span><\/p>\n

I love when we are an hour or so\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

into the walk,<\/span><\/p>\n

and he gets the zombie eyes.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll wait for one of my friends to come out,<\/span><\/p>\n

Sammy Squirrel or Robby Robin,<\/span><\/p>\n

and then I\u2019ll bolt.<\/span><\/p>\n

Man, I can sometimes hear his shoulder <\/span><\/p>\n

pop out <\/span><\/p>\n

of his socket!<\/span><\/p>\n

I haven\u2019t knocked him over yet,<\/span><\/p>\n

but you can\u2019t say I\u2019m not trying.<\/span><\/p>\n

My human pampers me.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

He cleans up my poo,<\/span><\/p>\n

sometimes getting it on his hands or shoe.<\/span><\/p>\n

He\u2019ll chauffeur me around town<\/span><\/p>\n

to some of my favorite designer stores, <\/span><\/p>\n

Petco or Off the Leash.<\/span><\/p>\n

He drops a bundle of cash at these stores<\/span><\/p>\n

just for me.<\/span><\/p>\n

You\u2019ll die for those mani pedis at the salon.<\/span><\/p>\n

They\u2019re not cheap,<\/span><\/p>\n

but I\u2019m worth every penny.<\/span><\/p>\n

Everyone stops to compliment me,<\/span><\/p>\n

and not once have I heard anyone tell me<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cHey, that\u2019s a good-looking human you have there.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

If you haven\u2019t gotten yourself a human yet, <\/span><\/p>\n

you\u2019re<\/span> missing out!<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019d go get one today,<\/span><\/p>\n

and let your entitlement begin.<\/span><\/p>\n

See you later,<\/span><\/p>\n

when I am out\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

walking my human.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Each day, I walk my human. I love watching his mood change\u00a0 the farther we get from home. I know he\u2019s not\u00a0 the sharpest tool in the shed, as he often forgets my name. He calls me Ucker, or he confuses me with a duck,…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1448,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-72656","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-miscellaneous"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72656","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1448"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=72656"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72656\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":72660,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/72656\/revisions\/72660"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=72656"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=72656"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thepoetrymarathon.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=72656"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}