How-to

Motherhood began in an ER in Florida
I took a day to trek from the keys up to Miami
My reward
Was two flashing hearts.

That wasn’t the beginning.
Confirmation.
It was the confirmation.
The belly jabs
Vaginal ultrasounds
Like robot sex with witnesses
That had worked.
Ta-da!

In a terse email, my husband declared
Get an abortion.

Yeah, we made these kids on purpose.
I wanted kids
He wanted a green card
And a future with his girlfriend back in Russia.

I was only 8 weeks pregnant.
Before the scan I was pretty sure
Smell of celery?
Gag.
Taste of celery?
Just kidding.

Sore nipples. Bed at 7 pm.
Clearly divorcing.
He had hit me
So that was for the best.
Right?
Yes
Right
Yes
Breathe…………

But how do you raise twins?
Alone?
At all?
Jobless?
Homeless?

I still can’t say how.
No bestseller
No secret advice
You just do
And you keep doing
And one day
You just know
Not how,
But at least that you can.

One thought on “How-to

  1. A very visual piece of writing. These words were particularly poignant.

    ‘You just do
    And you keep doing
    And one day
    You just know
    Not how,
    But at least that you can.’

    And that’s the truth of it, you just do. Thank you for sharing 🌞

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