one day you come home from school past the farmland past the road next to the swamp where the gators lie if you look long and hard enough and your mother stands outside waiting for you and you do not know what she found but you do know what you did when you tried to find God in another boy’s trousers but nothing unholy would ever taste this good, right? and your mother cries as she looks through the magazines you hid under your bed and she takes you apart and she says your father called and she says how can he live with a son like that and she says I’m sorry but