Anxiety swirls in my stomach like an F5 tornado

sweat leaks from my palms in age-old embarrassment

the thoughts rushing through my brain like seagulls after bread

Hot then cold waves wash over my body in a sussurus of fear, shame, guilt.

I’ve failed so many times before.

Begun so many times before

Left unfinished, abandoned, lost to time and memory

Only to return as a reminder of inadequacy

As flashes of pain that make me want to turn away,

or cover my eyes to avoid seeing the wreckage-

but the wreck is inside me and I can’t cover my mind’s eye

So I will distract myself with dreams of success and joy

I will plod along – the draft horse pulling the plow-

Tilling the fertile soil of my imagination.

I will plant the seeds, water then with my sweat and tears

and rejoice when they bloom.