Reaching, pulling..always

pushing myself to go farther, but never getting anywhere.

I am climbing this ladder, Continuously all night

The moon, so bold, it’s full tonight I cannot

Stop! I say to myself

But I can’t…Why am I doing this?

Is it for glory, this journey I am climbing?

Fame never interested

Someone like me, who always knew brains

Took you places and allowed you to

Meet people, that beauty never could

 

I am reaching over the debris of

Forgotten dreams and painful memories…

Though Panic grabs a hold of my legs

In the form of self-doubt and people

Telling me that I can’t do it

I won’t keep reaching

For the sky…

I’m pushing myself past my limits, working

My body, my mind, my spirit

Like I’ve never done before!

 

This fucking ladder, it won’t end, it’s

3 am and still I’m climbing I know I’m sleepin’

But I can’t stop reachin’, for the next bar, and the next

And the next…I can feel my heart

Pounding against my breastbone, I am

Not going to make it.

I looked down by accident, what the hell was I thinking?

I had broken free of the haters, conquered my

self-doubt..or so I thought.

And then, I looked down.

I can see the broken liquor bottles

On the sand by the Lake down below

I’ve come so far from where I started

And now, it frightens me

To see how far I’ve come.

 

Heights never bothered me before,

So I’m unsure why they are starting now

That it is my own past trials and tribulations

I stare down at that want to spark fear in me.

 

I look away from my down below, from my past and

Take a deep breath. I focus on what is

In front of me, I can smell the sweet rust of the iron

Nearly taste the bitter salty sea air

And feel the cold of the ladder

Under my numb hands…

I say the prayer that has gotten me through times

Worse than this, “The Lord is My Shepherd, I

Shall not want” and suddenly, my purpose becomes clear again.

 

I keep pulling, keep reaching, and suddenly…YES!

I’ve made it! My fingers touch thick leaves

I pull myself into a grove of trees

Filled with every fruit imaginable and

Some never before seen.

There is a golden light, I

Cannot see its source, but

It bathes me and every living creature around me

Butterflies settle on my nose and on my back

My grandmother waves to me from the pond side

Where she soaks her feet in the still water there.

 

I take one delectable-looking fruit from the tree nearest me,

Look at the God in heaven for permission first.

He nods His approval, and I take a bite.

 

No, it was not from the Tree of Knowledge

As I’ve never been here before so I am unsure what

Any of these trees are supposed to symbolize.

But later I find out that it’s from

The Tree of Triumph..He’s seen me struggle and overcome

And He is telling me

To rest easy. Now and Always.