2022 prompt/hour 7: “Don’t call me inspiring”

People sometimes tell me I’m inspiring

People sometimes tell me I’m strong

People who stay that are kind

People who say that do not understand

They seem to think it’s a certain kind of culturally acceptable praise

They don’t *really* know

They don’t know I see them looking at me

They don’t know I look back and see them and know

Know that they don’t *really*, viscerally, comprehend pain

Know that they know *really* understand what the choice of keeping on going actually *really* means

Know that they don’t *really* understand that there a point where it’s possible to stay down and not get back up

Know that I’ve been with people who made that choice

Known that it was their choice, and that was ok – for them and that was strong af too in so many *many* ways – and I miss them still

Knowing in that choice that ‘staying down’ can, legitimately, lead to difficulties including death

Know that they don’t understand that you can choose between ‘getting up’ and ‘going out’ – daily, hourly, even every goddamn minute

“Fall down 7 times; stand up 8” is not *necessarily* an inspirational message

Sometimes it’s just instructions on how not to die on an unending route march

Sometimes it’s literally getting up

Sometimes it’s literally doing it again

It’s knowing I need to

Knowing that the alternative is to ‘lie down’

Knowing that’s the first step in giving up

Knowing that of each of my cohort for each 5 years half die, most by their own hand

Knowing going out ‘feet first’ is not the ‘best foot to put forward’ if you want to live

Knowing I choose not to “go gentle into that good night”

But please – let me be mother fking gods damn CLEAR here

I am not your lesson on ‘clarity of purpose’

I am not your ‘motivational of the day’

If I am anything at all?

I am the middle school PE teacher you loathed who made you do every sport half

I am the basic training drill sergeant

I care – so my inner drill Sargent forces me up into the day to fight once more

I care – and care doesn’t always look soft

I care – and sometimes care is a swift kick from me, to my emotional self, to keep me going

Get up!

(Fall down)

Get up!

(Fall down)

G e t the goddamn hell U P

We can do this

We can

We CAN and we gods damned WILL – are you listening?

GET UP

 

Merry – LordCricket 2022 poetry marathon