It’s hard to trust others when I’ve told people about my past

Only for them to turn around and use it against me
They know what broke me
And in turn used it to continue to break me
They’ve seen the tears others caused me flowing down my face
And they had the nerve to hug me
Then laughed at me and told me I was overreacting
When they caused them
They knew what hurt me
And they said they would never do the same
But all they did was mirror the actions
And made things worse
I begged for the pain to stop
And they continued to dig the hold deeper
And the more I tried to climb out
They continued to throw in the dirt
Forgive me if I won’t let you get close to me
When I’ve already had people close shatter me
The ones who I was supposed to be able to rely on
Who left me confused in this world
I had to figure out on my own how to uplift myself
How to smile without feeling embarrassed
And how to love my own soul
Forgive if I don’t believe you when you say you’re different
Because that’s what they all say
Until they get you alone
And show you their true intentions
I know I have my guard up
I have never had anyone make me feel like I can put down my weapon
Nor have they made me feel protected
I always stand ready to take action
Maybe someday I will open up
Maybe someone will provide me with a safe haven
Instead of making me feel caved in
The more people play me, the longer it takes me to recoup
It’s going to take a lot if you want me to trust you
And forgive me for having you jump through so many hoops
But these become the consequences when you have trust issues