CW: Alcoholism, substance abuse. addiction
For Jack Daniels
There was a time I would try to drink myself sober.
Jack Daniels was a mistress that everyone knew I had-
captivating me as soon as my tongue tasted him.
A glass bottle full of magic wishes
charming me into spending $38 on a shot in Stockholm
while too drunk to remember he had to cross the ocean to be with me.
Daring me to call an ex while daring him to do the same.
Encouraging us to cry to each other about our break up and my phone in a snowbank.
Sinatra Select Blend showed me the smoothest jack I had ever known.
Hearing him call out for me while my ex-husband
poured what was left of him down the drain to spite me.
Jack could keep me enthralled any night of the week.
Being given €3 on a shot of his sweet honey from
the English National Soccer team in a basement bar in Amsterdam.
A handle of Jack attached to my hip
for every house party I attended in college.
Jack will forever be the straightest relationship I have ever had.
He even followed me on my honeymoon in Mexico
not able to be without my mistress for any length of time.
Now I drink myself sober with Gatorade;
No longer seeing Jack Daniels.
He keeps tempting me to come back with his sirens song.
Trying to remind me of the good times we shared that were never good for me.
What an interesting piece to come out of the poetry marathon – it feels like its leagues away from everything else I’ve read from you so far – today. But I appreciate it nonethe less and think seeing the swap to gaterade mentioned made me laugh at just the right time. Not because the poem should be funny — but to break me out of the seriousness for just a second.
This has been in the works for a long time so when I was digging through my notebooks I stumbled across the notes for what became this. My youth was an adventure in a very short period of time and I’ve come into another, different version of sobriety so it felt like time to dust those notes off.