pushing myself to go farther, but never getting anywhere.
I am climbing this ladder, Continuously all night
The moon, so bold, it’s full tonight I cannot
Stop! I say to myself
But I can’t…Why am I doing this?
Is it for glory, this journey I am climbing?
Fame never interested
Someone like me, who always knew brains
Took you places and allowed you to
Meet people, that beauty never could
I am reaching over the debris of
Forgotten dreams and painful memories…
Though Panic grabs a hold of my legs
In the form of self-doubt and people
Telling me that I can’t do it
I won’t keep reaching
For the sky…
I’m pushing myself past my limits, working
My body, my mind, my spirit
Like I’ve never done before!
This fucking ladder, it won’t end, it’s
3 am and still I’m climbing I know I’m sleepin’
But I can’t stop reachin’, for the next bar, and the next
And the next…I can feel my heart
Pounding against my breastbone, I am
Not going to make it.
I looked down by accident, what the hell was I thinking?
I had broken free of the haters, conquered my
self-doubt..or so I thought.
And then, I looked down.
I can see the broken liquor bottles
On the sand by the Lake down below
I’ve come so far from where I started
And now, it frightens me
To see how far I’ve come.
Heights never bothered me before,
So I’m unsure why they are starting now
That it is my own past trials and tribulations
I stare down at that want to spark fear in me.
I look away from my down below, from my past and
Take a deep breath. I focus on what is
In front of me, I can smell the sweet rust of the iron
Nearly taste the bitter salty sea air
And feel the cold of the ladder
Under my numb hands…
I say the prayer that has gotten me through times
Worse than this, “The Lord is My Shepherd, I
Shall not want” and suddenly, my purpose becomes clear again.
I keep pulling, keep reaching, and suddenly…YES!
I’ve made it! My fingers touch thick leaves
I pull myself into a grove of trees
Filled with every fruit imaginable and
Some never before seen.
There is a golden light, I
Cannot see its source, but
It bathes me and every living creature around me
Butterflies settle on my nose and on my back
My grandmother waves to me from the pond side
Where she soaks her feet in the still water there.
I take one delectable-looking fruit from the tree nearest me,
Look at the God in heaven for permission first.
He nods His approval, and I take a bite.
No, it was not from the Tree of Knowledge
As I’ve never been here before so I am unsure what
Any of these trees are supposed to symbolize.
But later I find out that it’s from
The Tree of Triumph..He’s seen me struggle and overcome
And He is telling me
To rest easy. Now and Always.