Empty

I remember saying don’t cry, as the tear ran down my face, who was I to believe I would listen to myself, after all had I listened last week, last month, last year… then surly that ridged tear, the one that is probably as sick of me as I am of it, yes that one, the one I lost count with, the one that turned salt to stained cheeks, what makes you think it will listen now……

Beholder

they say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I hold her, I hold her in my mind, in my skin and in my fears, trying so hard to protect her, she is me, beauty by eyes of mirror view, I long to hold her in peace, guide her in justice and quiet her when need be…

Turning points

i tried to look the other way, but I sat still, not in a good at peace way, but in pure disgust, for myself, because I was so tired of dealing with them, the bodies that wondered earth, big, small, every functioning thing that turned my point of view was so upsetting. I’m trying to turn up, not the volume, but the view, sky view, Gods view, anything to take my eyes off of these messy habits and thoughts, I turn to you, my inner self, the one that is supposed to guide without sight, please prove me wrong…

Broad

I wrote in here again… rained upon, shoulders broad and I’m stuck in my skin, aching, by weight on shoulders, they hurt, they are stiff, I can’t help it, it’s a natural reaction for me now, ease of the tension comes by breath, my breath and I meet it often…

Blossom

they are enough, plump, saggy, full, leaky, wait leaking am I lactating, but here she comes, all perky and sweet, what is wrong insecurity…

Filled with emotion

my stomach is full of it, bread I use to think, until I looked deeper, it was hard to get there, through all the fat, yes I said it fat… I hide it well, sucking in and trying my hardest to appear thin, I’m not fat, that’s what they all tell me, but the weight in my mind causes wait on the sign, when I hold it high, with here I am alive and well, all that I am and nothing more or less, ha you can’t compare to me, I’m less insecurities and inches down on hate…

Yoga

there came a day when I closed my eyes and let everything go, all the stuff I had been carrying and what I reminded myself was that I had to let myself go, I folded back into a hallow back and found space within my spine I didn’t know existed… had I been healed of all the pain I carried, it felt great breathing into my back and sudden coming up out the bend I was as high as I could be spiritually, I didn’t want to leave that feeling, but life brought me back to it… insecurities, I hope to be sick of the word soon, until then, I’m backing out…

Back side of things

my butt, big, small, medium… I don’t know its size because I need to first know who I’m comparing it to, although every living thing that becomes eye view seems to change from stranger to competition in a matter of seconds, I know how to accept others and yet I don’t know how to accept without anything good or bad being reason enough to change my self thoughts. I just want it to bounce around or maybe I want it to push through the tightest of jeans. You would think I had a thing for women the way I’m looking at them, so scared of how things will change for me when they are facing back side and I have to look to see, insecure and trying to heal me…

Thick skin

my thighs were thick enough to kick away the feelings, all the outside one, but what was under the skin, that blood line was different, way different…

Tied down

I buckled again, my knees gave out at a time when needed most, why were they different than hers, the other women, that I can’t keep my mind off of simply because I’m trying to understand what you see, you men that form relationships with me, get me in knee deep then break my bones, fracturing over and over again, no wonder I’m unsure, insecure and searching for her to see what you need more. There I said it, I’m insecure, sound the alarms, shine the lights I’m dying trying to remove the truth…