The Poetry Marathon

I get it from my mother
he tells me as he sways
on the kerb
I look at him
that vacant stare
and think of those instructions tucked away
inside each and every cell
and I shake my head and wonder
how many of them had read that page
how many of them had built up those proteins
that made him want more and more
to the point where he threatened the barmaid
and knocked over two drinks
how many of them had worked away
at him until he split
how many of them were like his mother’s

1am
stood in the take out
eating shit food
at least we’ve got red salt

oh please give us more

2am
diet coke just isn’t
cutting it for you
at least we’ve got red salt

got you hooked

3am
rub it into your gums
let it consume you
at least we’ve got red salt

taste it

4am
that dopamine release
if only we knew
at least we’ve got red salt

you ain’t shaking this one baby

wanted to write about chlorine for weeks
became it for a time
hoping to find caesium
thought it was poetic that it needed completing
considered how the smell doesn’t leave
how when I think of it I think of lifeguarding
how I think of Jamie and the rope
think of chemistry classes
never touched chlorine
but school makes me think of the pool
and the pool makes me think of Jamie
and Jamie makes me think of the rope

can talk about him now
wasn’t on duty

they said that she was cold
that it was impossible
for someone to feel so little

but she had never felt enough —
that night she conducted so much heat
she burned everything she touched

you better start working
or you’ll be dead by the hour
–characters dashing

there aren’t any instructions
what do we need what is it
food and sanity

–voice in my earphones
how do I find sanity
no no you have to not lose it

what is that / no don’t do that
oh good job now you’re dying
well how do I stop it / I don’t know

there was a hand I swear I saw a hand
oh sure you did sure
–characters by fire at night

we need to build things / what do we need for that
–confident voice
we need science

it’s fun but I’m not sure if it’s for me
we can always come back to it
let’s play something else

in the laboratory we are home
there’s nothing
we can’t figure out

the unknown is at war with us
we fight it with weapons of our own–

we have our numbers we have
our stats and figures and theories we have
hands that sometimes catch and sometimes hold
we have eye contact that sometimes lasts too long
we have each other’s sentences in our mouths
before the other has finished speaking

we brandish test tubes at mystery
swords in the name of science

in the laboratory we take careful steps
forwards always forwards
always towards each other

but mostly I need covalent bonds
where I am more than just complete
where I am secure and where I complete
others where we fit each other
where we share the best parts and the worst parts
of ourselves and accept everything we take
and accept everything we give where we are equal
where together we are more than
the sum of our parts

today we make synthetic leaves   become gods
make life out of notlife and it works

–you think we can change the world

coat cities in chlorophyll like paint?–

I tell you I’m happy with what we’ve made
twist together flowers for you but you want the moon

to be green   climb into a rocket made of thorns and stems
propel yourself on mown grass but lose speed

your rocket can’t fuel itself as much as you
would have liked   you change course for the sun

and you have everything you need
but will get nothing you want

sometimes I think I need ionic bonds
where I can hang off of somebody
unload everything onto their shoulders
and not my own where I can literally
lose parts of myself in them where I can
float because there is so much of me that
is no longer me that nothing weighs
me down where I am less than
my sum but feel complete

–I don’t mind being neutralised
if that makes you happy
–reduce me –give me
electrons –give me
negativity –I’ve got room
on my shell –let’s go –let’s react
–oxidise yourself –shed everything
you want to lose
–I can take it