Radar Love

Sitting alone in a bar
Miles away from anywhere
I feel nails on the back of my neck
And the murmurs of a sultry voice
Whispering in my ear
I turn, but there is no one there

I look at the clock, half past midnight
I look at my phone, no service
I survey the weather scrolling by me, it is clear
I calculate the distance from here to home

I finish my beer
I get in the car
I’m redlining it all the way back
Back to my front porch and my front steps

I’m in the house by 2 am
Back for the first time in two weeks
I walk into my bedroom
She’s lying under the covers and curled on her side

I slip in with her
She’s surprised
Then relieved
Then kisses me on the mouth
I feel her nails in my hair
I hear her whisper in my ear

“I just knew you needed me baby,” I reply

Dear Depression

Dear depression,

You fucking suck

I cannot count the number of casualties
I cannot even quantify the collateral damage
I cannot begin to add up the lost years
I cannot even fathom the billable hours
I cannot sift through the pills and treatments
I cannot properly express in any language
Just how terrible you are

You steal, maim, intimidate, and crush
You wrap your tendrils around hearts and minds
You keep people from seeing the truth
You twist sentences spoken in kindness into barbs
You use every dirty trick

Cancer can be excised
Infection medicated
Wounds cauterized

But you, are like a fungus
Crawling and invading and seeping in
An intelligent parasite slowly feeding on its host
Hiding in places no surgeon would dare go

I have lost good friends to you
I have lost heroes to you
I have lost years to you
I have lost good times with good people to you

In short, you are just the worst

Poetic Jibberish

I close out the world with my headphones
Shining as bright red as a tomato
So I can sustain my love
And also read my book
The lake before me shines like a mirror
The ripples dance with the wind

My hair is blowing with the wind
Despite my overly large headphones
From my bag I pull a mirror
And find my cheeks are now red as a tomato
Putting down my book
I tie back my hair with a band that I love

On the wind I hear the voice that I love
Cruelly brought to me by the wind
I try to return to my book
And coccoon myself again with my headphones
My whole face now red as a tomato
I see he and his now woman in my mirror

Despondent, I smash my mirror
This does not attract the object of my love
He jokes about his woman’s cheeks now red as a tomato
Touched by the same rough wind
I wish I couldn’t hear through the headphones
And raise my eyes to my book

I’ve forgotten where I am in my book
Beneath someone’s feet crunch pieces of mirror
There is a gentle tug on my headphones
I look up to see the face that I love
I had forgotten how beautiful his hair is in the wind
His lips red as a tomato

He offers me a tomato
Asks me about my book
Comments on the wind
Asks about the mirror
All I can say is, “Go away my love.”
Then I pull back on my headphones

I eat the tomato as into the ground he grinds the last bits of mirror
Back to my book as he walks away to love
There is finally a settling of the wind and I am shielded by my headphones

The Night is for Sleeping

When I was a child
They always told me
The night is for sleeping

When I got older
I discovered
That wasn’t the only purpose

The night is for secrets
Told in the dark
Not to be burned by the sun

The night is for love
Whispered behind closed doors
So no interloper can encroach

The night is for music
Winding through the night
Wrapping everyone up in its beauty

The night is for dancing
To beats that we hear
To the tune of each other’s heart

The night is for dreaming
Deep dark dreams
Our best hopes and worst nightmares

And that is the only reason
As far as I can see
Why the night is for sleeping

My Golden Shovel Poem

The art of losing isn’t hard to master – Elizabeth Bishop

When you told me the
lines I drew in my skin were art
intricate patterns of
pain you saw as love, and the blood that I was losing
as sweet elixir, I knew this isn’t
the way to treat a hard
case so determined to
make pain its master.

Art

Art is theft
It steals time
It steals sanity
It steals clarity
It steals health
It steals wealth
It steals breath

Art is life
It fills the time spent doing nothing
It gives voice to the deep secrets inside
It pulls out our darkest parts and makes understand ourselves
It feeds us on cold nights of the soul
It spreads to others who appreciate and purchase and beg for more
It reminds us to breathe when we have run out of breath

Dear Future Lover

Dear future lover,

I am something you may have met before
But I am not certain

I am a bag of anxiety and uncertainty
They are specific and general
Sometimes they can be soothed
Sometimes they can’t
I need you to believe me
When I tell you what I need

I have baggage
It is clearly sorted and labeled
I can give you a guided tour
There are some dusty hat boxes in the back
That rarely need to be inventoried
There are trunks near the front
Battered and often opened
That should be reviewed first

I have people in my life who are non-negotiable
I have my limits
I have my boundaries
I have them with you too
I expect you to have them too

I do not respond well
To passive aggressive bullshit
Ask me
Tell me
Compromise with me
You will find me infinitely more agreeable

There are nights you won’t be able to touch me
There nights I will rock your world
I expect the same will be true of you
Please tell me
And let me tell you

My brain is my very own enemy
And I live with it every day
If you find me difficult
I find myself even worse

I will give my opinion
I will argue my reasoning
And I will tell you what I think
I expect the same of you

We won’t always agree
I don’t expect us to
Relationships are far more sticky and complex
And far more simple and easy
Than people seem to think

But I love you

Being Chased by Love

The colors swam
Before my eyes
Purples reds and golds
Kaleidoscopic visions
That solidified into one

It was her
In the middle of it all
The most unattainable goddess
Of beauty, light, and love
And she was holding out her arms to me
The most unworthy of supplicants
To hold me
To cradle me
And tell me that I was hers

I turned away in fear
I ran far and fast
I saw blacks and greys
I saw the whole world in blacks and greys
Nothing could compare to her
Nothing would correct my vision but her

Still I ran
I ran fast and far
I ran to the highest mountains
I dove into the blackest caverns
I saw the world in shades of white and shadow
Still nothing could compare to her
Nothing was as beautiful as her

I was walking through a field of flowers
On a windy day in spring
I cried because I could only see white and grey
I turned
My vision was filled with her red hair
Her porcelain face
Her green eyes
The swirls of purple and gold on her dress
She held out her arms to me
And held me in a field of daffodils

She had chased me
Her most unworthy supplicant
Through every trial and and mountain and valley and cavern
She had chased me
She healed me
And now she holds me
Tight
In arms that I never want to escape

Hold My Hand When the World Ends

The world has come to an end
It’s a sea of black
And I can’t find my friend

The world has come to an end
There was a bang and a crash
My cell phone rang

The world has come to an end
He managed to get one word to me
Mountain

The world has come to an end
I pack only essentials
I wear my trusted shoes

The world has come to an end
We are a moving caravan
We are all heading in one direction

The world has come to an end
People fall
Others give up and sit in the road

The world has come to an end
We are pushing each other uphill
The strong and the weak alike

The world has come to an end
I reach up and grasp a hand
And I’m pulled into arms I know

The world has come to an end
But I’m holding my friend’s hand
As we watch the whole world burn down

Magical Nights

I saw people I haven’t seen
In years now
Living in the same city
But absorbed in our own lives
We come together in happiness
We come together in joy
Scattered throughout my life
We hug
And whisper proclamations
Of love and adoration

I saw doppelgangers
Of people I dearly miss
So completely similar
I nearly called out their names
They are wishes
Desires to embrace those
That I haven’t seen in years
I want to hold them close
Tell them they never left my heart
And they never will

Magical nights like these
Are my favorite nights of all

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