My Dog, Alfred

My Dog, Alfred

Fashioning himself as a gangsta, Alfred

Hitchcock wears his gray hoodie whenever

I take him for a walk through our local

grave yard. He enjoys peeing on tombstones.

An intimidating terrior with

penetrating eyes and monolithic

Easter-Island ears, he refrains from barking,

never smiles, and takes pride in the way

his gray whiskers highlight his black coat. He

lives in his own monochromatic world.

An introvert by nature, he cares not

for human intercourse. Do not pet him.

A High-School Junior’s Prescription for Pimples

A High-School Junior’s Prescription for Pimples

Take one each night before bedtime:

SAT score

College application

Grant application

Loan application

Acceptance letter

Rejection letter

Career Counselor Conference

Decision: commuting or residing on campus

Decision: community college or four-year university

Choosing a major

Finding a job

Saving money

Incurring Debt

Dealing with parents

Losing best friends

Late-Night Talk Show

Late-Night Talk Show

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you. Thank you.

What a great crowd. Not like last night’s.

We have a wonderful show for you tonight.

Speaking of the President, have you seen his ratings lately?

Where are you from? Indiana? How do you like New York?

Tonight’s Top Ten Thank-You Notes are…

Our first guest has a movie coming out this Friday.

You look great!

How much fun was it to work with her?

Here. Watch this clip.

Do you like to play Pictionary?

Thanks for being such a good sport.

Do you like animals?

Don’t bring that octopus near me. Take it away, please.

Do you like to laugh? Well, we’ve got a very funny man here tonight. Please welcome…

On my way here tonight I got stuck in this L.A. traffic.

And how ‘bout those airlines.

Our guest will be doing his stand-up at The Comedy Basement this Friday and Saturday in Athens Georgia. So if you’re in town…

Finally, tonight’s musical guest has just returned from their tour of Europe and Japan. Please welcome…

Stay tuned. We’ll be right back.

Thanks for watching.

Striper Fishing Doggerel

Striper Fishing Doggerel

 

Early morning

Rods and reels

Eggs and grits

Clams and eels

 

Boat’s all ready

Motor starts

Out of slip

Old-man farts

 

Anchor up

Drop lines down

Wait for bite

Love the sound

 

Hear the run off

Striper bite

Taking bait

Sealing Fate

Treasure Island: A Memo

Treasure Island: A Memo

Sail to work, dock at your cubicle, and salute your colleagues with a friendly, “Good morning.”

Continue your intimate relationship with your computer screen, answer every overseas e-mail, and help your clients navigate their bank accounts.

Lunch at your desk. Swallow your tuna-salad-on-white-bread sandwich.

Work into the soft moonlight — no after-hours fun.

Be captain of your ship.

Before you leave tonight, don’t forget to submit your quarterly Self-Evaluation. Be honest.

Regards,

CFO

Flat Fish

Flat Fish

As I peer up at his boat, Caliban,

through the warming late spring waters of this

New Jersey back bay, I see his lucent

line descend. His chartreuse jig bumps along

bottom mussel beds as he persuades me

to lunch with him. The immortal current

slows as high tide approaches. He thinks I swim

in unfamiliar waters, but not so:

I have slipped along these bottom sands

through its cuts and channels for centuries,

surviving Nor’easters, water spouts,

predators — and Shakespearean tempests.

Start Me UP

“once I start I’ll never stop, never stop, never stop….” Oh, yes, I suppose I will.

p.s. Thanks, Mick Jagger

JSweeder

Ocean City, New Jersey

 

Emerging Poet

I am not a novice writer but I do consider myself an emerging poet who has been fortunate enough to have had 9 poems published within the last year. Going into this event I will feel blessed if I complete 12 poems. I will be amazed if any of them are polished enough to be considered ready for publication; however, I do think each one will serve as draft worthy of being revisited and refined. Since I live near the ocean I suspect one or two will deal with my local environs. I also plan to address the concept of faith in a few of them as well. Some others will undoubtedly deal with politics in one form or another. Death and fortune and immortality are some other topics that have been on my mind lately. I am intuitive by nature so I intend to freewrite to get kickstarted, then go from there. I am considering making a list of 12 or more ideas before Saturday rolls around. It goes without saying that I will be a half-marathoner. I need my 8 hours of sleep more than ever.

Good luck to all.