The Poetry Marathon

I have loved you since that very first beat of my heart, the first time you knew of me,
The scale of love I have in store for you, an ocean’s deep,
I have been seeking for your love but found none, I was left without a clue,
Hampered by my own inability to gain your blessings, futile attempts,
It pained me greatly, to not gain your trust after all those years of proven loyalty,
It puzzled my mind, to listen to slanders spread of me, to relatives and friends,
It killed my hope, to always be third on the podium of choice, my requests never granted,
It destroyed my will, to be denied of love and support from my own flesh and blood,
It mortified my intelligence, to opinions of mine scorned upon released,
It drove me mad, when my sincere offers to help got brushed aside,
It grieved me beyond cure, to the fact that you refused to accept my invites to be with me,
Many nights, I cried myself to sleep thinking of the reasons for you to loathe me,
You left me in the dark without any reasonable explanation for your actions,
Is it because I did not excel in my studies, thus I am seen as unworthy?
Or Is it because of having the mind of my own, thus I am seen as rebellious?
I am in need of answers to end my dire pain , not cash, properties or any other gains,
I am just a son dying to be loved by his mom,

That face, bobbing in and out of a sea of hungry crowd,
Disgusted, I lost my appetite to a plate of mouth watering delights,
I fake an invite, signal her to join me for lunch,
I loathe the sight of this creature I call my friend,
She walks closer, eloquent in strides,
Might as well shoot me in the head, be rid of my pain,
My blood begins to broth, cooking up my anger, marching beads of sweat,
Her smile glows a radiant light but razor sharp, slicing into my naked eyes,
One blink and I see the creature right before my eyes,
Sits opposite me, always naively happy, she is killing me slowly,
I switch to my ‘mask’ mode , an Oscar winning innocence plus a dab of kindness,
Oblivious of my sufferings, she spills out stories, heating up my ears, prawn red,
Her happy little life, fills with sunshine, flowers, the colours of rainbows, the life I wish to have,
I shoot my defence with a pinch of boast and a lot of lies,
I aced it, shut her big fat mouth, I am laughing inside,
Far from done, I wait as patient as a crocodile, for that right moment to attack my prey,
Upon cue, I launch my ammo, a juicy gossip on a lady colleague, I made up,
Said to be the meaning of true beauty, not me nor she, can even dream to be,
Her response, immediate, I see hurt in those starry eyes, fell for it like a fool,
I rejoice a standing ovation victory, ignoring a voice whispering the truth in my head,
That God really took his time to sculpt a creature as perfect as she, to torment the likes of me,
She is innocent, a victim but she exists and that’s her fault,
I am dying to see her swim in sadness , long to burn her self worth to ash,
Destroy her slowly, while standing by her side, her loyal friend,
A veil, to my cruel intentions and unspeakable actions,
I am her worst enemy but she will never see me, an enemy within.

Jealousy was an old acquaintance of mine
An inner voice that uttered an endless rant,
Because she was obsessed in being the best,
A master manipulator, she made an ogre out of me,
Planted in me the seed of hate,
Urged me to wish for others to fail,
Coached me to act a pretentious life,
Taught me to erase guilt caused by cruelty,
Pushed me to envy the strengths of others,
Assisted me in bragging , boasted many lies,
Whispered me disparaging words, belittled me,
Kept me imprisoned in the darkest sea of misery,

But I had ceased to listen,
I broke free from the shackles of her oppression,
Gained freedom, detoxed my emotions,
I said good bye to Jealousy.
I was awaken, the absolute truth illuminated my path,
What did I see? A beautiful world, full of opportunities,
So I skipped misery, found solace in life,
Embraced the true purpose of my existence,
None were better or less than me,
I am unique, found my own blessed strength,
Nurtured my potentials, harvested my crops,
Achieved my dreams and awakened more like me,
Showed them the light, fished them out of the dark,
Because everyone deserves a fair chance,
To shoot an arrow, aiming to bulls eye on happiness.

Jealousy still visits me often, banging at my door,
And I still says no to her, today, tomorrow,
And for the rest of my life.

Born perfect, a bundle of joy to a blessed mother, “Let it be a boy,” said God,
Restless hormones made me crazy of soccer, robbers and thieves my favourite game,
A few black eyes and bloody nose under my name, proud of many rules broken in school,
Howled at girls with my buddies, made out at the back seat of my old man’s car,
Sultry actresses, all over my room wall, relieved urges of a growing man me,
A list of girlfriends before I met the one I truly loved to settle down,
A match made in heaven before she went rogue, transformed into a sadist empress,
Scorned at my every climax, claimed that I was weak to satisfy her needs,
Selfish and unforgiving, she was no mechanic in the sack, but a skilled assassin of a man’s ego,
Endless insults and fights, through days of sunshine or rain, stirred ruckus in my head,
A beautiful sun set became my worst nightmare, mortification lullabied my sleep at night,
Hate seeded, fertilized daily with the greatest efficiency, grew a strange emotion in me,
Started looking for comfort from male colleagues, shared my pains to keep me sane,
There were many more like me, emotionally abused till the state of incompetency,
One fated night, I met a man that forever changed my life, never to be the same,
We became secret lovers but remained a man to the eyes of family and friends,
The sadist found other men to take my place, oblivious of her contributions that had destroyed me,
The course of my life had diverted my path, denounced my birth rights,
I was born a normal man but I will die a gay, I have no regrets.

Wriggled your escape from my hugs,
Squirmed away disgusted, to wet kisses on your rosy cheeks,
Tiny palms, frantically wiping as you sprinted to the sink,
Always came back drenched, face, hair and dress,
My aqua princess of hygiene, stood proud and satisfied,
I laughed hysterically to your portrayal of mad.

Cradling a peaceful you in my arms, this instant,
An unfamiliar silence, piercing into my ears,
Why aren’t you fussing to be let loose?
Tiny pearls of tears on your clean face,
Why aren’t you wiping them off your cheeks?
Wash them off, get all wet, get really mad,
Open your eyes princess, flaunt those big brown eyes,
There is so much more to live for in this life,
You look very much alive, it hurts to accept otherwise,

I wish to turn back time and kiss you a million times, never to let go,
I want more of you, desperate for help but all heads are down today,
The Lord took you away from me, not granting my wish,
5 minutes late on that fated day ended up with a lifeless you,
How could I forgive myself? I wasn’t there to save you,
But why must it be you?
Why my little baby girl?
Selfish thoughts taunting me closer to insanity.

My hands feel cuffed, unable to lay you down on your resting bed,
You look every bit of an innocent child of mine,
But underneath all that make up, lies fresh bruises and wounds,
Indescribable pain and agonising sequenced of events,
A sad story that will always remain a secret, you take to the grave,
Brutality forced onto a helpless child, who hugged her teddy to sleep,
Animals in human form, heartless murderers, I want them dead,
You RAPED my little girl! Wrote the final chapter of her story,
Named it fate and slapped it hard onto my face.
Your own fate awaits your arrival and good always prevails.

My sweet little princess,
Heaven welcomes your arrival today my dear,
You will be safe, no one can hurt you no more,
Daddy will miss you dearly, sweetheart,
I wipe my tears off my baby’s beautiful face,
Gave her one last kiss on her rosy cheek.