The Poetry Marathon

Shatter (Brandy Goodman Poem #12)

I am emotionally stunted

Though most people don’t see.

It’s hard for me to get close

Even with a guarantee.

My heart wants to let people in

But my brain puts on the break

Because in one life

There’s only so much I can take.

My heart has always been tender

It was so easily hurt

That I had to build a wall

And learn to stay alert.

I couldn’t take in more hurt

I couldn’t take in all the pain

So I vowed to never

Be vulnerable again.

But that has made it hard

For me to be a wife or friend

It’s hard to be a sister, a daughter or a mother

I can’t seem to let them in.

The pain that I’ve endured in the past

Still haunts me today

So if I opened up

From pain I’d never get away.

So I stay behind the wall

Every year building it higher

One day the wall will shatter

And I’ll be suffocated by the smoke and fire.

Determined (Brandy Goodman Poem # 11)

What am I going to do?

You’re so determined to move on.

Nothing seems to discourage you

Not even watching your granddaughter grow.

You just want it all to be over,

It’s not that I don’t understand why,

I just don’t want to lose you yet,

You’re still too young to die.

I know it’s selfish of me

But I don’t know what to do,

My world will likely shatter

Everyone knows that to be true.

With all the pain you’re going through

I should be happy with your choice.

You’d be in a much better place,

But I will miss your voice.

I will miss your hugs and kisses

I will miss your warm smile

I will miss all your advice

My hurt will last a while.

I want you to feel better,

I just don’t want you to go.

We have so much more to share,

A mother is something you never outgrow.

Daddy Dearest (Brandy Goodman Poem #10) 

Mom said that he was great

While he was around,

But when they split up

He was nowhere to be found.

He’d come and go when it pleased him

And lied any other time

His priority wasn’t us,

He had a new family to find.

In walked another man,

She wanted us to have a father,

But when it comes down to it,

She really shouldn’t have bothered.

He was working all the time

Out on the road

And when he was home

Mostly he’d just explode.

Old Daddy Dearest

Made promises he’d rarely keep

And new Daddy Dearest

Beat Momma down at our feet.

There were several better men

Orbiting our life

But she didn’t want to be,

Anyone else’s cause of strife.

As the years passed his temper increased

And she thought of getting us away.

But anywhere we went

He’d find us in less than a day.

He’d show up and cause trouble

At times the police were called,

But she wouldn’t let them take him

She was caught between love and hate walls.

He drove everyone out of her life

And continued to beat her down.

After a while it became easier

Because no one came around.

She stuck with him so long

All her friends and family opted out

And we began to hate him

Of that there is no doubt.

Of all the men she could have picked,

She chose to pick the worst.

But at the start he pretended to be good

And she was in love with him at first.

Today it all still goes on

And she’s practically wasting away.

She sits around numbly

Praying today is her last day.

Beloved (Brandy Goodman Poem #9)

I would have to say you were my first love.

You were there for me through everything.

Through happiness and heartache

And all the joy a child brings.

But mostly you were there

When times for me were tough.

When it was me against the world

Or I had simply had enough.

You held my hand and eased my pain

You dried each tear that would fall.

You helped me hold my head up high

You were there for me through it all.

But day by day I find myself

Pulling further away from you

And even though I see it happening

I’m not sure what to do.

I’m depressed and I’m angry

But it’s too hard for me to turn your way.

How do I find my way back

To turning to you every day?

It’s not as if you let me down

Or in some way did me wrong.

I just feel disconnected from you

Like with you I no longer belong.

All desire to be with you

Has eroded slowly over time.

It seems like it’s been forever

Since you were really mine.

Whatever happened in the past

We must move forward to see

The bright future you and I share

Because I can’t live without you, my beloved poetry.

Tired (Brandy Goodman poem #8)

I’m tired of saying I’m tired

When someone asks after me

The strong front faded long ago

Now the shell is what they see. 

Walking about with a sour look

Never a positive word to say

Shuffling through life like a zombie

On any and every given day. 

I’m tired of feeling tired

Weary down to the bone

Dragging the bottom of the barrel

Utterly lost and alone. 

Consumed by pain and worry

Drowning in hurt and fear

Pushing everyone away

Because it aches to have them near. 

I’m tired of being tired

Exhausted to the core

Fretting about everyone and everything

Leaves me physically sore. 

Entombed by the weight of problems

Shrouded in the dankness and dark

Scrounging to fine some good

To bring back my old spark.

I know I’m not the only one

Others have felt the way I do

But their words just don’t help

My negative point of view. 

So many years feeling this way

Have finally taken their toll

How do I find a way back

From being tired to the depths of my soul. 

Inevitable (Brandy Goodman Poem #7)

Some people wail and cry

Others scream and shout

But a writer writes

To get it all out.

But what do you do

When you set pen to page

And every possible emotion

Fights for center stage.

All these warring emotions

Confuse more than the brain

If the muse is all muddled,

Attempts to write are in vain.

So what do you do

To sort through it all

Because holding it in

Will cause and inevitable fall.

How do you push past

The pain and the fear

What are the steps

To get your path clear.

Can you force it out

Without losing control

Or do you let it boil over

Then try to become whole.

Feeling so much at once

Makes you not want to feel at all

But if you go numb

You are bound to fall.

Shove (Brandy Goodman Poem # 6)

Strong people stumble with emotions

Even the mighty can be weak

Fight for your life

Now’s not the time to be meek.

Do not sit idly by

Letting yourself turn to ice.

While life goes on around you,

It’s not worth the price.

Take a deep breath

Find something you love

Hold on for dear life

And give yourself a shove.

In life there will be pain,

Fear and doubt, depression and guilt galore

But we must push through

Because there can be so much more.

You can have happiness and joy

There will be times of hope and awe

Don’t let negative emotions

Leave you wounded and raw.

Fight for your life

Fight for what you love

Fight to be happy

Just give yourself that shove.

Focus (Brandy Goodman Poem #5)

We have all lost our focus

In the world we live today.

To busy worrying about the effect

When the cause should be on display.

Sexism, Racism and discrimination

Are all problems that’s true

But instead of placing blame

You should be asking “What did I do?”

“How am I a part of the problems

Society dwells on today?

What can I do to fix it?

How do I change my ways?”

The answer to all these questions,

Is one tiny little word

Kids are where our answers lie

You may think that idea absurd.

But really think about or kids

And the society in which we live.

They grow up thinking “It’s all Mine.”

So they say “Give it too me, Give it too me, Give.”

They grow up with absent parents

Who are too busy to teach

And when their caught doing wrong

We don’t explain we preach.

Or even worse we do nothing

No punishment will stick

Because we’re a bunch of cowards

Who don’t want to be seen as strict.

We want to be our kids friend

Not the one to law down the law,

And we tell them that they’re owed

That is a huge flaw.

No one is owed anything,

If you want it, it must be earned.

If we had taught them that

There’s be no riots or businesses being burned.

There may not exactly be peace,

But if taught wrong from right

Or told no instead of yes,

They wouldn’t be wounded at every slight.

The world has many problems,

But we’re too focused on our wants

To see through the awful haze

To the real problems out front.

We are failing our kids left and right

But it’s not too late to change.

Take stock of your life

And see what needs to be rearranged.

Talk to your kids and listen,

They have a lot to say.

We could turn the world around

In such a positive way.

Teach your kids to be better,

Teach them all you know,

Show them by living right,

TEACH them how to grow.

Rock Bottom (Brandy Goodman Poem #4)

How do you know when

Rock bottom is where you are?

How can you see

When you’re near or far?

With everyone it’s different.

Is your bottom based on age?

If it’s not, then how

Is your bottom gauged?

The rocks you see at twenty

Aren’t even close to the rock down the line.

When you are pushing forty

The rocks are much more defined.

Does that mean that when you’re young

Rock bottom’s not what you hit?

Even if it feels like you’ve been bled dry

Are you still at the top of the pit?

When I look around me know,

And see all the pain and tears,

It makes me wonder what’s to come

In the next twenty to forty years.

I feel like I’m at the bottom,

Looking at better days up high,

But if I look down, will I see

More rocks to be wounded by?

I guess I’ll never know

Until I get to a time

When rock bottom is the place

From which you have to climb.

The Jar

Bottled up within me

Deep down in my core

Lies a jar that’s over flowing

With something I don’t want anymore.

I want to take that bottle

And smash it to the ground,

Ridding myself of its contents,

Before it causes me to drown.

But the bottle just refuses

To come into the light,

It doesn’t want to be scrutinized,

So it stays hidden from my sight. 

So I sit partially submerged,

Because the jar refuses to budge.

The jar has taken over my life,

Because I held a grudge.