The Poetry Marathon

Looking at myself

Reflecting checking thinking back

To who I really am

Who am I 

Really

This is me

Life was hard

Life is hard

Took it to difficult

Looking for a way out

Going for freedom

Fell for Love

What a trap

Or was it

Felt stuck

Wiggling myself free

Bam!!!

What is this

Should have known it was to good to be true

Why I have to take care of the baby

Where you going

This isn’t fair

stuck in this hole

Looking for a way out

Look baby

It is just you and me

Now what

This isn’t how i planned it

The plan is in disarray

Looking for a way out 

Was the plan dismantled

Have been move to build a better life

Have changed me

Have now faith

Better reason to fight for my life

His life 

Now 

Looking  for a way out

August 20

Special day

Found out I was expecting

Found out I getting my first child

Have a special bond

Daddy, remember those nights

Telling you shut up

I didn’t know no better

Just a tiny baby

Me being young

You taught me to love

You showed me what was right

Although you are not mine

Cherished you like you are

Watched mommy and daddy scream at you

Had to take you off their hands

Didn’t like how they talked to you

Don’t worry

Always will have your back

Did i tell you I was thinking of you today

As I can do is think of you

See the future

Our future

It’s so amazing

I am writing this so you know your place in my life

Without you

Was Nothing

Was wild

Looking for freedom

Trying to be me

Find me 

Now

Sit up at night

Watching you sleep

No creepy act

Me envisioning our future

Wonder What people would say when they read this

Really don’t care

To be honest

Sounds like I am writing to my man

Really though

Just letting you know

My precious son

See amazing stuff happening 

And mommy promise

To be in your corner

I love you

Am falling hard

falling hard for him

Know it is hard

Been awhile

Guard has been up forever

What am I doing

Have millions of things to do

Is it really about him

He don’t even think of me like that

Why am I stuck on stupid

why is he messing with my head

He don’t want me

He should let me go

Why keep messing with my head

Though I was doing something my reaching out

Lingering feelings keep me at bay

Mind is what is being screwed with

Question God

Why me

Yet I look like an old maid

How 

He’s messing with my head

I feel overwhelmed

Pushed in a deep hole

Find myself climbing out

Not able to breathe

The truth is

I’m a slave in my head

Have everyone’s life on my shoulder

No one’s caring for me

Why is that

The truth is 

I’m screaming for help

No one’s helping me

Why 

I’m miserable

I’m falling a part

Piece by piece

It seems no one is around to put me back together

The truth is 

Alone

Is there anyone out there going to rescue me

Help!!!

I’m just screaming

Because

The truth is

Fear

Distressing emotion

Impending danger, evil, pain

Threat 

Whether real or imagined 

Fear the worst 

Pray never happen

Fear of being alone

Being a bad mommy

Not making my mom happy

Not succeeding

The discipline of my child 

My future

The world

Men 

Niggas on the corner

Feelings being hurt

Future of my child

Not being around for my son

Just shows

It’s real

I am human

Goes to show

Greatest Fear

Found this photo

It was taken about 6 years ago

Was 19 or so

Was holding my new son

Felt like he was the one

My all

Wouldn’t change nothing

none at all

Just thing

Was in heaven

Holding my angel

Makes me think

Can’t wait to get home

And sit in heaven with my prince 

Looking at that photo

Reminded me

It is just me and him

No one else matters

As long as we have each other

Making it heaven

Just for me and him

Deserve it

Looking at this picture

Made a promise

Just thinking of my prince

Promised him a safer place 

Like…

Heaven

Realize my life is not going the way it was planned

And when I followed what everyone else wanted…

Let’s just say now I’m even more miserable

Tired of playing by everyone else’s rules

So now I am playing hard and my way

Woke up this morning

And now I’m at the point in my life where I say

FUCK YOU!!!

Fuck you and the world!!!

Realize no one has my back

They swear they have my back

Sure yeah right

Have my back

That is it

No other way

At a time in my life

Find myself looking at  a desk

With only 2 speeds to work with

Either I’m moving fast or moving slow

Thinking of time

Hoping the time will wait til I’m finish one thing

Yes

Time slow down so I can catch my breath

Feel like time is moving to fast for me

Damn

Before I know it everything changes

Starting to realize time is not on my side

Time to make a move

At the time in my life

See myself somewhere I’m not

Feel like time is not going to slow down

Time to take time by the neck and make my move

Think it is time to make my move

Seems like

Time is running out

First Impressions

To tell you the truth

Have to tell you our story

Sometimes we fight

Sometimes we cry

That is because you always taught me to fight for what I want

Wanted you to see me for who I thought I was

Leave it up to you

Mommy

From the very first impression

You knew me

You knew who am I

You know who I will be

You didn’t even guess

You saw it in my eyes

When you first held me

What you don’t know is

You left an impression

Your first impression on me

That day you gave me your name

You showed me the woman that I wanted to be

Yet you pushed everyday for me to be better

Yet still til this day

Still working on being like the impression you left on me

The very first day

That impression fit for a queen

That impression…