The Poetry Marathon

The disloyal dog
Watches me leave aburptly
I lost faith that day

Kool-aid jammers in the fridge
Leftover from a time when I was
Carefree and happy
When there was nothing bad in the world
You were a phone call away
And always encouraging me every step of the way
Now you’re six feet under the ground
And I have to figure out how to go on without you
It’s not fair
The world hasn’t felt right since you left
Nothing feels right anymore
Who do I call when I have a new writing idea
Who do I stay up until 2 AM with playing cards
Who do I call
How do I move on from this
How do I move on from you

He was like a fresh spring breeze
The wind always knocked me off my feet

I had never met a purer love
Or a more gentle soul
No one had ever shown me what love was until him

He always made sure I was safe
That I felt happy and loved

His kiss was like candy
Sweet until the very last drop

The years ran together faster than any other time
And he was like a fresh spring breeze

He always made sure I was safe
And I was when I was with him
I was safe and secure from all harm

But the truth is, these were all lies but for some reason
I will always rewrite history when it comes to you

You came into my life when I needed you the most
At my darkest hour, I met you
You light up my life in a way I didn’t know I needed
On nights when I don’t think I can go on
You’re there to push me until I am okay again
I have never met a purer soul
Or a heart with that much love in it
I have no idea how I made it fourteen years without you
And I have no idea how I will make it after you’re gone

I saw you the other day
You looked happy with your friends
But I know you better than they do
I know you better than anyone else does
You know that
Your smile didn’t spread past your mouth
It didn’t light up your eyes
Every time I try to message you
They all go ignored
I go ignored
I know now that all I had to do was stay
But how do you stay when you need to find yourself
And how do you find yourself in such a small town
I couldn’t stay, and you knew that
But I also realize now that you couldn’t leave
Does that mean we cannot be together
Or does that mean that we have to fight for us
What is even the point of life without love

I decided to go back to our old house
I hadn’t been there since we ended things for good
The windows were shattered, and covered in vines
The front door was hanging off its hinges
It was obvious that the world reclaimed the area
I couldn’t help but think it was a metaphor
One for how I’ve felt since you left
No matter where I go or what I do
You will always have a claim to me

One hundred years ago
My great-grandmother was born
The world had no idea what it was in for

She had three children, five grandsons, and fourteen great grandkids
A legacy that continues to this day

You never know what a person will be when they’re born
She was everything good the world had to offer
Her selflessness knew no bounds

She knew no bounds

The Cello dates back to the 1500s
During that time, my family was still in Europe
Some were farmers, others preachers
the earliest members came over in the 1600s
hoping to find a country to give them what theirs never could
a home to call their own and a hopeful future
four hundred years later, and I am still living in the same place
The same country that accepted them has rejected me
They helped build the country that would write off their descendants
Women have been the backbone of the country for as long as it has existed
How can you feel safe in a country that doesn’t believe in you
How do you live in a country that decided you do not have a say in your future

“The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep”
– Robert Frost

I try to remember the promise I made to my mother
as I continue down the dirt road before me
When times get tough, I’ve always just gotten tougher
However, that isn’t always the answer either

The woods have always been a lonely place
Unless you know where to go
Somewhere deep in this space
Everyone comes alive, if just for awhile

I remind myself of this
The trees begin to look the same
as I walk deeper, looking for that spark of life
I have miles still before I am to fall asleep

They say that drowning is a peaceful way to die
Once you stop fighting the desire to breathe
Every problem you have ever had seems to fade away
As you slowly fall asleep
I’ve always felt an attachment to the water
Felt the desire to see what happens
When you stay under one second too long
Wanted to feel the peace as the last bit of life is gone
I knew someone once who wondered the same thing
She died a few years back from the wonderment
I can hear the water calling my name
As I take a deep breath
before I dive deeper into the water