Dear, Crystal, circa September 2007–

 

This is your 33 year old self. [I know you don’t like math, the year is 2019.] I remember you. And wanted to drop down a rope ladder for you to climb out of your early 20s.

 

I was thinking about you and everything that’s happening. About now your home has been surrounded by a half circle of law enforcement from across the state. You can see the jagged flashes of red and blue light smacking against the basement windows. I know you’re scared. Please know that none of this is about you.

 

You won’t get this for a few more years, but darling, you are a queen. Read quickly, now! The man with the lightning blue eyes will ask you if you “want to be another ‘inner city youth’ gone wrong.” He is an angler – do not fall for the bait. Throw your pack of smokes on the bed if you don’t want your family to see them. Yes, that is America’s Most Wanted in the front yard. Write nothing on paper, they will use it to fuck you. None of this is about you. Hold your happiest of thoughts close to your chest. Sing your songs. We make it out of this one.

 

You don’t have long. I know you are reading this in the dark, rocking back and forth. Be gentle with yourself and to the people trying to love you through all that will happen. Know that everything you are about to experience will teach you more about the ways others will dismiss you on sight or pretend to see you. You will learn that kindness is most important to share when things get rough. And that the ability to trust others will return when you learn to trust yourself again.

 

Somewhere deep, you already know who you are. Let that guide you. We have turned into a compassionate, intelligent, and magical Black woman. That is because of you!

 

And, my dear, we are doing fabulously.

 

<3

-Crystal, Age 33

 

P.S. – You can always crash on my couch and pet my kitty.