Dear Jean

The pheasant has not been seen since you left us
but the first time she returns to my garden
I will think of our last conversation,
how you had laughed at me joking about choking it.
How dizzy I felt encouraging you to take deep breathes
in through your nose and out 1,2,3,4,5, through your mouth.
If there’s one good thing to come from your passing
it’s the return of your granddaughter who has felt
the gulf of being overseas when there is a family crisis.

We are ticking our way, slowly, through the firsts.
First Easter,
first Mother’s Day,
your first born
has had his first birthday
without you
and his dad told him he would get his present in heaven.