I am not dainty

I spend 5 minutes a month

Doing what I call my makeup

And my dresses don’t fit

So I mostly wear jeans and shit

 

I bite my nails to the nub

And I’m always burning my tongue

On words I’m told I shouldn’t say

A lady doesn’t speak that way

 

I’ve never been told I’m too feminine

More like vegetables floating in gelatin

I’m out of place in this generation

A near offensive combination

 

People don’t say that I’m elegant

Nor do they treat me as delicate

Though I really can’t blame them for skipping my station

Who wants to be guilty by association

 

I have bruises from hitting the coffee table

And you’d think I’d learn with it being so painful

But darling, quite frankly, to put it plainly

I’ve never been thought of as dainty

 

Not many would use the word “beautiful”

For the most part, it’s simply unsuitable

I’m not unattractive but, darling, the fact is

Letting my hair down is anticlimactic

 

I’ve got bags beneath my eyes

There are stretch marks on my thighs

And it’s true that I’ve got legs for days

In a lanky sort of way

 

I’ve never been told to try modeling

My smile is nothing near sparkling

And with my lack of poise and grace

I find I’m an acquired taste

 

Now, it may sound as if I hate me

But that is not the case

I just have a tendency

To lean into my strengths

 

And, trust me, I am truly great

At quite a number of different things

But if you asked the best, I’d say

Selling myself short is my forte

 

My friends all say that I’m a catch

Just yet to find the perfect match

They’re wrong, of course, although they’re kind

It’s not their fault their words are lies

 

I found my other half many years ago

I feel as if I’ve known them all my life

 

So save the date and count the days

The limo hearse is on the way

And be prepared to meet the apple of my eye

 

My other half, my soulmate:

This darkness that I feel inside