You were the child I never had

We connected as you made me sick

You were small, but I felt you

You were athletic

I knew when you were gone

By the internal quiet I felt

The ultrasound confirmed

What I already knew

I never gave birth to you

I never had to feed or clothe you

I imagine how you would look

How you would act

What trouble we would have.

You would nineteen now

You would be the college student

Not me

You would be growing into adulthood

You would be falling in and out of love

You would be finding your way in the world

And I would be learning to let you go.

We never got that chance

For nine weeks you were real

For 19 years you are imaginary

I think about you often

I think about what should have been, could have been

I wonder where I went wrong

I was unable to be a parent

You were unable to be my child

Maybe you watch over me

Maybe we will meet one day

Maybe our souls are still entwined