24 Poems ~ 24 Hours
I used to search for signs.
Then I realized even if there were some,
I wouldn’t be able to see them in the dark.
Then I thought I could feel my way out.
I hadn’t considered how sticky I’d left the walls
behind me as I ran my hands along.
Then I thought I’d call for help.
But my voice cracked and I couldn’t seem to put it back together.
Finally I decided I was exactly where I wanted to be.
Well, that was easy!
Seven years old and second grade
With a wonderful teacher six feet tall.
My love for reading and writing did not fade,
I added new subjects and loved them all.
I rode the bus home an hour each day,
Even then I was a latchkey kid.
I picked up my sister from my aunt’s house where she would stay
I cooked and I cleaned and my feelings, I kept hid.
I wanted someone to look after me,
And let me be a child.
To show me things I couldn’t see
And be unworried for a while.
Seven years old is too young to know
Your parents can’t pay their bills and have nowhere to go.
What are all these emotions I’m feeling
Am I falling to deep in my feelings
Am I moving to fast do I need to shut these feelings down
Am what I feeling is real
Or is it his sweet words that have me all in my feelings
Are his words truly genuine or is it a card game that he dealing
Am I falling for the nice guy this time
Or is it boogie man in disguise
Waiting to build my hopes up then tear it all down at a drop of a dime
Am I letting my past interfere with my future
Or is this a sign I should keep my guard up
I’m so afraid of all these feelings
I feel like running and just leaving
Am I running from a good man who can truly love me
Or is this fate thats warning me that this right here not ment to be
Could he be what I truly need
Or is it me that is wounded and want this to be
Be what I always wanted and all these emotions i feel inside
Is it me making it something that’s really is nothing
But what if he’s the one that can change my whole world
What if his feelings are genuine for me
Am I going to run from these feelings because I’m scare to see if this man could be what I need
I need a sign to show me where this so call relationship we have going on is a path I need to take or should I run away because it just a fantasy I don’t want to escape
My heart can’t take anymore heartache
So I need a sign to give me a peace of mind
There is nothing worse
Than having to listen
To bad music
When there is
An entire world
Of music out there
To choose from
red may be too bright &
yellow too glorious
some days are meant to be
muted &
delivered in generous blue
and soft spoken green.
My heart crawled and circled, banging against the caged walls of your heart. It did this for years, not knowing why, beyond some “should” of commitment. Then it was time to release your heart and fall away. In the lull, I turned inward, digested myself, hanged myself from a tall oak. I spun my heart away, locked myself in a shiny chrysalis and as an amorphous mass of imaginal cells, I was over. Until I wasn’t, until I grew wings, a new body, a new everything defined no longer by you, but by sunlight and self, power and love. I emerged anew, whole and complete, reborn into sky.
My heart cries
a quiet song
in the dark
of the night
where no one
can hear
but my soul
and my
God.
Eve Remillard
6/22/19
They said, “Don’t worry, it’s a short drive.”
Yeah
Right
When you’re crammed into the “back seat”
Of a yellow 77 Volkswagon Beetle
Along with 2 boxes of random stuff, a few bags of odd smelling food
And a particularly friendly chihuahua named Gnash
A mile may have been a hundred, for all the comfort it allowed.
The seats smelled of vomit and old lady
Turns out the car was once owned by my “friends” abuela
Some 20 years before
It had sat dormant for the better part of a decade.
Try as I might, comfort was moot
As was the lack of drool and a sense of impending doom I felt
Every time I heard a rattle or felt the jar of deathtrap over tracks
The only solace being the tiny window I opted to peer out of as we journeyed
The view was quite pleasant; even soothing.
Especially that time an attractive woman looked at me while stopped at a red light
And she smiled at me, eyes peering over mirrored shades
I smiled back
The clouds huddle
While lightning strikes the ocean
With jagged fingertips
And sharp crackles.
The cliff crumbling,
threatening to dash you
upon the rocks beneath
Light a spark
Clasped within your hands
Singeing your palms
and scorching your fingers.
Be the first
To cast your flame
Into the ocean
I wait outside the door
I listen to the sobs inside
The door is locked, I cannot come in
Let me in, baby girl
Let me say it will be alright