Every Day I’m Murderin’

To the woman ahead of me at the store
Who can’t get off her damn cell phone
And puts the money on the counter
Instead of in the cashier’s hand

To the hummer cruising down the road
Taking up both lanes at 10 miles an hour
When I’m already in a hurry
And going to be late for work

To the hopeless girl at work
Who can’t get her shit together
And constantly needs me to help her
Even when I’m on break

Just know

I want to kill you

I don’t usually consider myself
To have a particularly violent streak

But sometimes

I just want to watch the world burn

I want to rip coupon books out of women’s hands
I want to shout profanities at slow talkers on the phone
I want smack mothers who let their kids run wild
I want to TELL YOU ALL
TO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER
OR I WILL FUCKING CUT YOU

But I don’t

Cause I just don’t see how I could survive prison
When they ask me “what’re you in for?”
And all I can do is sniff in a macho sort of way
And say
“Coupon bitch had it comin’”

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